Love your life...survive the system

Yesterday was a great day! I spent it in Birmingham IOD with Mindy Gibbins-Klein the 'Book Midwife.'

As a result, I have a plan - we worked on the mindmap for my book- now it is full ahead main engines!

As many of you know, the purpose of the Blog was to get me writing everyday. Now it is time to leave the Blog for a while and concentrate on getting the book published.

So thank you for visiting IMU. Leave me a comment or email me via the web-site, if you want advance copy of the book launch.

You might be wondering what the book title is.... well it may be altered slightly.... but at the moment it is, "Learn to Work the System and Love your Job again..." or the title of the Blog perhaps.... 90 days and counting!

Sisterhood

Amy and Ann were in the salon yesterday. Amy kindly read aloud this story for us. I had forgotten that I had put it with some client information. It was inspired by an email I received some time ago. I hope it cheers you now...and you may want a tissue handy....

A young woman sat with her mother on the sofa drinking tea... and as they did so they talked about life, marriage and the obligations of adulthood. The mother thoughtfully turned to her daughter.

“Don’t forget your sisters,” she advised. "They’ll be more important to you as you get older. No matter how much you love your husband, no matter how much you love the children you may have, you are still going to need your sisters. Remember to go places with them now and then, do things with them from time to time…and remember that by sisters I mean ALL the women in your life… your girlfriends, your daughters and all your other women relatives too. You’ll need other women. Women always do.”

What a funny piece of advice the young woman thought. Am I not an adult woman now? Haven’t I just gotten married? Haven’t I just joined the couple world? I’m now a married woman for goodness sake! A grownup! Surely my husband and the family we may start will be all I need to make my life worthwhile. Nonetheless, she listened to the mother she loved. She kept contact with her sisters and naturally made more women friends as each year passed.

And as the years rolled by, she gradually realised that her mum really did know what she was talking about. Sisters were the mainstays of her life!

And after more than 50 years of living in the world, here is what I have learned…
Time passes…life attacks happen…distance separates…children grow up and leave home…loved ones die…jobs come and go…and so does love…. men do not do always what they are supposed to do…hearts break…colleagues forget favours…people let you down and .. careers end…

But through it all your Sisters are there. Sisters are never far away. Sisters are there, no matter how many miles …. countries and continents are between you. When you have to walk that lonesome valley and you have to walk it by yourself, the women in your life with be on the valley’s rim, cheering you on, praying for you, championing for you, intervening on your behalf and waiting with open arms at the valley’s end.

Sometimes sisters will even break the rules and walk beside you… or come in and carry you out. Girlfriends, granddaughters, daughters-in-law, sisters, sisters-in-law, mothers, mothers-in-law aunts, nieces, cousins, your hairdresser, beauty therapist/image consultant and extended family all bless our life! The world wouldn’t be the same without women and neither would I.

When I began this adventure of life called womanhood I had no idea of the incredible joys and sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did I know how much I would need my sisters… every day we need each other still.

Who are the special women in your life? Who helps to make your life meaningful? Add a comment and let me know…and why not mail your sisters to read the Blog today.... so that they know how much you love them? I am going to do that to my sisterhood right now…

Listen oh Listen!

My heritage is Scottish. This is the root of 'Eilidh', which is Gaelic for Helen. My clan motto is ‘Listen o’ Listen!’ - perfect for a professional speaker and coach! My ancestors would have shouted our battle cry, ‘Listen o’ Listen!’ at warrior opponents, as they came hurtling down the Scottish Highlands brandishing their claymores. My modern day approach does not physically threaten my clients however; I do connect powerfully with their emotions via the media of storytelling, relevant anecdotes and using the power of rapport.

In my experience, stable and securely grounded relationships are at the core of most significant aspects of a happy life. Quality relationships are key. It is essential in both personal and business matters that good, solid foundations are established from the outset. Good relationships then facilitate the success of common goals and objectives. Good relationships can become exceptional relationships. When I look at couples with successful marriages for example; the synergy within that family; the rapport they have developed has been instrumental in allowing them to further extend meaningful relationships to friends and worthwhile business pursuits.

The most significant aspects of your will life have sophisticated and highly developed relationships based on rapport. Little things make a BIG difference, sometimes seemingly insignificant or small interactions between with others are the important ones. Take listening for example, it is a very under-rated skill. When we understand how simple interactions work, we can use them to build rapport. We have to understand the other person. NLP is one method that can assist us to do this. Note I did not say, “Try to understand;” for as Yoda said, “There is do or not do, there is no try!” If you only try, then you will use NLP as a techinique and others see through techniques. If you embrace the theory behind the process and make it part of your everyday communications and dialogue then you will truly benefit and reap the rewards of your effort.

I have lady, who has been a client for some time. We have developed a relationship of mutual respect and trust. During a session, she told me about her imminent IVF treatment. She voiced concerns. She was very nervous and feared the unknown. Without thinking, I matched her tone. She leant forward to give me very personal information and I matched her body language and unconsciously mirrored her facial expressions. The client and I used similar pitch and pace within our speech patterns. For me, this is an automatic response, as I am able to call on my people skills. If you are not confident in this way, then I suggest you consider attending basic NLP training. By so doing you may develop a better understanding of what goes on between yourself and others - figuring out how how they think, realising what they want and understanding what makes them tick. I studied NLP during my coaching diploma, however, I learned as much if not more as a child watching my mother interact with others. The coaching course supported and consolidated my personal experiences.

I gave my client time to voice her concerns. I used active listening skills and empathy then suggested she might speak to a colleague, who is a retired GP and works for the charity “Foresight". It helps couples who are planning a family. Foresight encourages them to be in the best of health. The preconceptual approach of the charity can help with overcoming issues in connection with conception, pregnancy and birth. My client left happier and more relaxed about her future and the pending medical treatments. She felt more in control. In addition, she booked an appointment, kissed me as she left, we hugged and we laughed saying how much we looked forward to our time together.

Little things- like active listening -do make a BIG difference!

Twelve Tips for Talks

If you have to make a talk, presentation or attend an interview you may find these tips useful:

1. Keep comments positive
2. Practise so that your confidence increases
3. Work on your ‘ums and errs’
4. Never apologise or say “I’m sorry I don’t do this very often…” or something similar
5. Do not say “I’m nervous!”
6. Keep your head up and speak slowly and clearly
7. Beware OHP or Power Point Presentations (maximum of 3 points per slide) again practise is essential
8. Use 3x5 cards if you need an aide memoir – avoid loose pieces of paper
9. Keep your watch on - use a timer
10. Do not take Dutch courage or smoke prior to the event
11. Empty your pockets of loose change - avoid the distraction of jangling coins
12. Thank your audience or interview panel
    

Core Message Tip
Whenever we communicate, we convey a message. Otherwise the process is not communication, but simply making a noise. The art of good communication is to be able to convey the right message, in the right way, at the right time, to the right audience.

The essence of a message can always be distilled down to a core, being the precise detail that we wish to impart. The task of a great speaker, is to ensure that the "audience takeaway" is the same as the core message you planned.

There are several ways to create memorable messages. Try to think of words and phrases that are a little unusual, or conjure up an image. If your message is “seen” as a picture, it will be much more memorable. Groucho Marx used to tell a story about the value of words. He asked a little boy whether he preferred radio or TV.
“Radio” replied the boy at once “because the pictures are better”.

So, always try to conjure up an image in the mind of your audience. Engage their senses, stir their passions, and make your speech the one that they will remember.

The core message is the key.
For example, here's an extract from one of Churchill's great wartime speeches -

"We shall not flag or fail. We shall go on to the end. We shall fight in France. We shall fight on the seas and oceans. We shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air. We shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be. We shall fight on the landing grounds. We shall fight in the fields and in the streets. We shall fight in the hills. We shall never surrender."

Of the eighty-one words in this extract, only nine have more than one syllable. Only four have more than two. The power of that passage is immense. I felt it myself while just typing it, and I hadn't been born when it was delivered.


My friend Merryn Myatt, was on Radio 2 talking to Jeremy Vine recently. They were discussing public speaking. Merryn stated, "The standard newsreading speed (which everyone can grasp!) is three words to the second. That translates to 180 words to the minute, but bring that down to 150 per minute because you want to pause for laughter or dramatic effect. So if you're planning a 2 minute speech, you know to prepare approximately 150 words. That way, you never need a clock." This is an excellent method of measuring the length of a talk.

Remember that the greatest speeches are nearly always simple. So the pneumonic could be KISS - KEEP IMPORTANT SPEECHES SIMPLE!

World Smile Day

Smile!

Debbie Catt and Chris Davidson and I are all speakers. We had our monthly, mastermind meeting yesterday. We stopped for lunch and switched on the radio. Just at that precise moment, Jeremy Vine was interviewing someone we knew – Merryn Myatt (merryn@myattmedia.com) And she was talking about a subject very close to our hearts – public speaking. Merryn has many years of experience as a newsreader on TV, so Jeremy had sought input from a media expert. Merryn gave tips and advice on how to present well. It was refreshing to hear someone speak in an informed and confident manner about our profession. We listened intently, nodding and agreeing with our friend. When the interview concluded we smiled to each other thinking, well done Merryn!

What will make you smile today? And did you know that it is World Smile Day? Yes, this year, on October 5, 2007 we celebrate World Smile Day®. As ever the theme for the day is, "Do an act of kindness. Help one person smile." And, as ever, the image that leads the way on this day is the smiley face. It may interest you to the origins of the Smiley Face. It was created in 1963 by Harvey Ball, a commercial artist from Worcester, Massachusetts. That image went on to become the most recognizable symbol of good will and good cheer on the planet. He thought that all of us, should devote one day each year to smiles and kind acts throughout that world. The smiley face knows no politics, no geography and no religion. Harvey’s idea was that for at least one day each year, neither should we. He declared that the first Friday in October each year would henceforth be World Smile Day®. So what can you do today to help someone?

There are so many tiny acts of kindness, which in themselves appear to amount to nought, however the cumulative result can be outstanding. Today, I am going to start by taking in my neighbour's wheelie bin, call my sister to offer her help with a technical problem, take my daughter breakfast in bed, sort our the donations for the charity shop and then my email clients to wish them happy smiley day...and that's all before breakfast!

What about you? List all the kind acts you do today... all the little things that no-one but you will ever know about about or comment on. It'll make you feel fantastic I assure you.

Smiling is infectious so make it a habit. It is impossible to be cross and stay angry, when you smile. So go ahead. What have you got to lose? Remember what it says on Cool Beans.... a smile is a great (not to mention inexpensive!) way to improve your looks and smiling creates less wrinkles than frowning....so smiling has to be the better option.

Go Grin! (See blog entry September 20th for more 'hello gorgeous' smiley ideas....)

Maria’s Memory Tips 2

Memory is like muscular strength so “use it or lose it”! The more you work out your brain, the better you’ll be able to process and remember information.

My mother was in her mid-eighties when she died, however she had a razor sharp mind kept active by crosswords, anagrams, television quizzes, mental arithmetic, daily reading, writing and a general interest in the world around her. She was 85 going on 58!

Have healthy habits:

Treat your body well; it can enhance your ability to process and recall information.

Take Regular exercise:

Increase oxygen to your brain. This lowers the risk for disorders that lead to memory loss.

Reduce stress:

Research shows that the stress hormone can damage the brain; stress makes it difficult to concentrate and remember things.

Sleep like a baby:

Sleep is necessary for memory consolidation. Lack of sleep leaves you tired and unable to concentrate during the day.

No smoking!

Smoking constricts arteries that deliver oxygen to the brain.

Eat well:

A healthy diet based on fruits, vegetables, whole grains will provide lots of health benefits, but did you know that such a diet can also improve memory? Research indicates that vitamins and minerals nurture and stimulate brain function.

Give your brain a break:

Novelty and sensory stimulation are the foundation of brain exercise. If you change your routine in a challenging way, you will use brain pathways you were not using before.

Activities to help your memory:

• Brush your teeth with your left hand as opposed to your right hand or vice versa. This will activate the little-used connections on the non-dominant side of your brain.
• Or try a “neurobic” exercise that will force you to use your faculties in unusual ways e.g. shower and get dressed with your eyes closed or walk backwards up the stairs (carefully).
• Sign up for a class in a subject you don’t know much about.
• Take up a new strategy game such as poker or scrabble.
• Cook up some menus using unfamiliar recipes. That’s the most effective way to keep your synapses firing… or perhaps that should be frying?
• Learn a new poem or re-learn a favourite one from your childhood.

Finally, spaced repetition is also helpful, so let me reiterate two key points from Maria Memory Tips 1 on September 1st.

1. Consider taking Siberian ginseng with Ginkgo Biloba…I do. There are several hundred scientific studies showing the diverse benefits of these natural herbs and improved memory is one of them….the first challenge is to remember to take the supplement three times a day!

2. Be motivated and keep a positive attitude. Telling yourself you have a bad memory actually hampers the ability of your brain to remember, while positive mental feedback sets up an expectation of success. So note when you do remember things well and congratulate yourself.

Go Skip!

Kyle called last night – it was time for a ‘Top Up!’ Kyle sounded very happy, as he is in Germany visiting the love of his life, Sarah. So we exchanged views and news. When it was Sarah’s turn to talk she came on the phone with her usual light-hearted tone and laughter. How infectious that is! Soon I was giggling and smiling too.

“You sound particularly happy this evening Sarah,” I commented. “What have you been up to today?”

“We’ve just been skipping home…and that was so-o much fun! I felt like a five-year old again!” She said with delight. I had visions of my six foot-two son, who is built for rugby and his fiancée who is petite and small by comparison, skipping home arm in arm and I found myself smirking and smiling even more.

We can all benefit from acting like a child more often. Revisit your childhood today and do something different, something out of the ordinary, something silly and fun – just for the heck of it! Many people take life far too seriously and miss out on so many simple pleasures. Don’t be one of them…

As for me? I am going to be skipping through today and having a lot of fun in the process. Why not join me ….

And if you come up with any other ideas that involve joyful activities associated with childhood, please share them with us.

Hung by the Tongue!

Do you have the ability to reverse numbers and to jumble letters and words? I create “spoonerisms” on a regular basis. I think my brain is sometimes disconnected from my mouth and so I come away with such statements as, “Peanut butter me the fridge” which means that the peanut butter is in the fridge…I think!

This idiosyncrasy used to frustrate me. Jay, my husband would poke fun at me too. This did not go down well even though I knew his comments were not malicious. I still felt frustration. Then I read “Psycho-Cybernetics” by Maxwell Maltz. After reading this excellent book, I pointed out to Jay, that according to Maltz “one’s subconscious does not have a sense of humour”; and that his comments even though in jest – hurt. I suggested to Jay, that he kindly refrain from his jibes and banter? He insisted that he was only joking. And then one day Jay listened to my request…. after reading the book himself!

I strongly suggest we learn to live with our friends and family without the use of sarcasm and unkind comments. They can do untold damage. As Maltz explains, our subconscious cannot distinguish fact from fiction. So if you tell your loved one that they are for example, stupid, fat, or useless with money, then that person goes away and thinks about what you have just said. They mull it over and the subconscious will concentrate and focus on the comments – even if they are not true. Speak with care. Beware of getting ‘hung by your tongue!’

To find our more read “Psycho-Cybernetics” – I thoroughly recommend it.

For my part, I now accept that my brain and mouth work at different speeds! Fortunately, it is not what we say, but how we say it that actually matters. When we speak,

• 8% of the effect of the communication is in the words which are used

• 32% the tone of the voice

• 60% the attitude

I bear these facts in mind when I feel I am not working at my most coherent. I “swish” in the statistics and remember that many many people, including my family, say this quirk of mine is one of the things that makes me, me. It certainly means my audiences have to listen well to understand me at times! However, I continue to be a popular keynote speaker and coach and get many repeat bookings and referrals. The delegates can obviously identify with me and we have a lot of fun.

As it turns out, my inadequacy or as I prefer to say my idiosyncrasy, has in fact become my USP – my unique selling point! What is your USP?

So never be afraid to be yourself. Have fun and watch that tongue!

Are we ‘bovvered?’

According to the Times September 25, 2007 Girls in UK are now bigger binge drinkers than boys and get drunk more often….They seem to be becoming more sexually assertive – behaviour also more usually associated with young males... Girls are far more critical of their bodies than boys…Young women narrow – rather than expand – their aspirations as they get older. ..

Let’s be ‘bovvered’ by such statistics. Let’s set a trend to act in a positive fashion, when greeted by such negative statements. It does not have to be this way.

If we are going to make a difference we have to stop accepting these facts at face value. Whatever happened to hard-won feminism? Feminists never saw themselves as victims of exploitation. It appears that many young people today do exactly that. We need to celebrate with the girls who retain their self respect. Praise the young women who are prepared to be modest and moderate in their behaviour. Respect the teenagers who want to be responsible young citizens.

One of my ‘Cool Beans™’ sayings is, “Children should live with champions and heroes!” The challenge for the young of today is to find a role model that they can identify with. We need to set the example with passive leadership, both as parents and as members of a civilised society. We need to stand up to the plate and become the heroes! Young adults do not respond to threats, such as being ‘grounded’ – few of us do. People treated in such a way become untrusting, unwilling and defensive. We need to become considerate and thoughtful, lead by example and develop comfortable relationships with our youth of today; after all they are our tomorrow.

Find a passive leader in your family or circle of friends – someone you can look up to, admire and edify. For my own part, I need look no further than my husband, Jay. With his quiet and firm ways he set a perfect example to our children. We had proof of this when Kyle reached the age of 17 and had earned his first sizeable pay cheque. For the first time in his life, Kyle was able to buy Christmas presents with his own hard earned cash. On Christmas morn, he presented his father a large and elegantly wrapped parcel. “For you, bud!” he said with a big hug. On opening, Jay found a beautifully framed, black and white signed print entitled ‘Posse’ depicting seven famous riders on horseback … John Wayne, Charles Bronson, Clint Eastwood to mention but three…On the back, Kyle had written, “Dad, in your life, these men have been your heroes, but in my life you will always be my hero!”

Jay being Jay, did not say much. There was another big hug and special and knowing smile was exchanged between the two men in my life. They quietly acknowledged their love for each other this way….meanwhile the mother of the family had tears of joy and happiness running down her cheeks!

Let’s a raise the standards and set a good example ….go be a hero today!

If you are going through hell, keep going!

I would love to take credit for the words “If you are going through hell, keep going.” However they belong to the great statesman Winston Churchill. His sentiments make a high impact headline and would not be out of place on a fridge magnet or my Cool Beans™ desktop for that matter.

Clients often share their experiences with me - good and bad. Many times as they leave the studio I think to myself, ‘There but for the grace of God, go I…’ The best advice Mr Churchill and I can offer at times of anguish and distress is... keep going. Circumstances do change for the better. It is important to focus on one or two things you can work on and achieve.

I am sure know the question –

“How do you eat an elephant?” with the answer -

“One bite at a time!”

If there is an issue in your life at the moment, concentrate on doing one thing each day. Keep the steps simple and do-able and most importantly keep doing them. And you know, in a relatively short period of time, you will be amazed at the difference in your life.

Keep on keepin’ on!

Maximise the Meeting

One of my clients has just received a letter from her school regarding parent interviews. “What should you ask the teacher?” she enquired. I’ve sat on both sides of this one: as a mother of two and as a teacher. I learned that there are things parents can do before, during and even after the event to make the most of those meetings. Parent interviews are like most meetings - if you ask the right questions, you may just learn a few things. Here are some suggestions to maximise a parent /teacher meeting.

What to Do Beforehand

1. Take time before the appointment to jot down any questions so you won’t forget them. Your goal is to find out not only how your child is doing, but also ways you can help out at home. Here are my tips to help you prepare for the meeting but, of course, tailor your queries to your child and your concerns.
2. Briefly review your child’s latest schoolwork, tests, and assignments. Do you have any concerns or questions?
3. Talk to your child: Ask if there is anything he’d like you to ask his teacher (such as the homework schedule or when the library books are due). Also ask: “Is there anything you think the teacher will tell me that I don’t know?” Better to not be surprised…
4. Review teacher guidelines: Take a look at the classroom rules, holidays, homework and behaviour expectations, dress code, and contact numbers. Doing so may save you from taking time away from discussing your child’s progress. If you don’t have a school handbook, ask your child to bring one home.

What to Do During the Meeting

1. Be on time in fact be early. The teacher has only a set time to talk, so you should use it wisely. Walk in with an open mind and listen. You can always schedule another appointment later.
2. Take paper and a pencil to jot notes. Also bring the key questions you want answers to. You want to try to get an accurate assessment of how your child is doing academically, but also socially and emotionally. Here are a few questions you might want to ask:

• School work: How is my child doing academically? Socially? Behaviourally? How is he doing on tests? Is there anything I can do to help?
• Social skills: Does he fit in? How does he get along with others? Who does he play with or hang around with? Is there any child you think might be a good friend for him that he currently doesn't associate with?
• Strengths and weaknesses: What are his strengths? His strongest subjects? What about weaknesses? Is he keeping up? Should we be concerned? What can we do at home to help?
• Homework: How much time should he spend on it each night? Is he turning it in on time? Is there a list of books he should be reading at home? Is there a homework schedule? You may also want to inquire about scheduled book reports or upcoming projects. The goal is to find out if your child is not only doing his homework and turning it in, but if it’s also done at the level the teacher expects.
• Emotional well-being: Does he seem comfortable and happy in the classroom? Does he appear confident and willing to participate?
• Behaviour: How does my child behave around adults and other kids? Is he polite and respectful?
• Teacher contact: What is the best way to reach you? (i.e., email, phone, note).
• Your role: If you are so inclined, ask if there is anything you can do to help out in the classroom or outside of school.
• Problems: If the teacher does mention a problem (a learning disability, a behaviour concern, low test scores), stay open and gather as much information as possible. Your goal is to find out what the teacher plans to do to help remedy the problem, how significant an issue it is, and how you can reinforce the plan at home. Find out how you will know if the problem is improving or escalating. Let her know you want to stay on top of things. Figure out how the two of you will monitor the issue together.

What to do After the Event

Go home and share what you learned with your child. Always start with positive praise and if there is a concern discuss how you and his teacher will monitor things so there is an improvement. Then commit to doing what you discussed. Share the plan with the family.

• If you still have concerns schedule another conference in a week or so.
  
• Consider writing a note of thanks to the teacher.

Good Morning Gorgeous x 2

We are all responsible for our attitudes and one of the most basic and most important things we do for our own self image and self belief is smile…

Go ahead, smile at your computer screen right now! Take a few seconds…can you broaden that smile, add a twinkle to your eyes and laugh out loud too?

Well done! How do you feel? Marginally better? And the more often you do this the better you will feel. So logically, why not smile if it makes you feel good?

What you must realise it that the expression you wear on your face is more important that the clothes you wear on your back. Your smile, or lack thereof, will leave a lasting impression.

When you look in the mirror in the morning what do you see? What do you say to yourself? Do you see signs of aging, frown lines and a poor complexion? Or do you look in the mirror and say,

“Good Morning Gorgeous!”

I do! And you know I feel great every day.

Why not try this simplest of techniques?

I challenge you for the next seven days to speak kind words of encouragement to yourself and start from the get go. Print yourself a post-it note and put it on your bathroom mirror. This note is your uplifting morning greeting to yourself. And “Good Morning Gorgeous!” and “Smile!” are great ways to start any day.

Most of us want to stay younger looking for as long as possible. Frowning causes more wrinkles than smiling. “Smile more,” do I hear you say?

In my publication, “Cool Beans,” I reinforce PMA with over sixty positive thoughts.

The urban dictionary describes ‘cool beans’ as an adjective to describe something very favourable, splendid, delightful, sweet and awesome…

Is your life “Cool Beans?” If not, start with smiling more.

One of the statements in the desktop is, “A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks!” Now isn’t that a fact?

Children need no encouragement to smile and laugh. An adult laughs on average 15 times a day. A young child laughs around 400 times a day….Find that child within you and smile and laugh at every opportunity.

And knowing that research is now proving that people with good PMA and who smile and laugh a lot; also live longer what more do I need to add?

Perhaps you feel I am stating the obvious… I would argue that from the number of glum faces I see every day in companies and car parks that is it obvious that many people are either ignorant or ignoring these basic facts.

“When you smile the whole world smiles with you…” Try it! And please do let me know the results…

Don’t Quit!

Top Ten Success Tips

1. Think like you want to be…
It is hard to be happy, joyful and successful; if you don't think that you are a happy, joyful, and successful person. Think it first. Then do it! Talk it into existence. Successful sports professionals visualise themselves cross the finishing lines and collecting the gold medals’ long before such events materialise. You need to adopt the same mental attitude.

2. Smile!
There's no arguing with this one -- research has shown the smiling has both psychological and physiological effects. So, put a smile on your face and you'll be on your way to a change in attitude!

3. Immerse yourself
Read books, ezines, articles and magazines that help you understand and adopt your new attitude. Watch films or listen to music that inspire you and encourages you to change. Purchase uplifting personal development CDs for your car and turn your vehicle into a travelling university.

4. Change your actions…
It is difficult to change your attitude, if you keep doing the same old stuff the same old way. Do things differently to start thinking differently. Embrace change. Consider reading, “Who Moved My Cheese” or “Polar Bear Pirates” great little books on change. Do not be fooled by their simplicity.

5. Change your environment
Make your environment reflect the attitude you wish to have. Create the physical space that makes you eager to change. Start by having a clear out! Do some life laundry! Your wardrobe is a great place to start. Many of us wear only 25% of our clothes. Be ruthless and black bag it! The charity shops will be grateful and you will feel all the better for the de-clutter.

6. Follow the leader
Find someone who already has the attitude you wish to have. Follow their lead, learn from their example.

7. Help others (and help yourself)
One of the fastest ways to change your attitude is to take the focus off yourself and to help others in need. Take part a in a sponsored event. This is a win/win as the charity benefits for the funds and you feel better and get fitter into the bargain.

8. Get a little help from your friends
Contact your good friends and tell them what you're doing and enlist their support to help you change and give you ideas. The more you feel like you're part of a group effort; the more likely you are to be successful.

9. Work with a pro…
If the change you desire to make is a big one or is extremely radical, consider getting the help coach. Professionals can reduce the time and frustrations involved; as well as provide you with many new ideas to help you grow.

10. Be patient
Recognize that most changes occur slowly, over an extended period of time. If you don't get immediate results, don't be surprised. Keep working, it'll come.

Most importantly, DON'T QUIT!

Daily Positive Input

We can all do with a daily dose of positivity. You might like to have an upbeat quotation or thought provoking story hit your email box every day. If so, register with: subscription@mydailyinsights.com

Here are today’s wise words from William Arthur Ward:

“Optimists enrich the present, enhance the future,

challenge the improbable and attain the impossible.”

And if you know of another good source of similar information then please post a comment with the details. Thank you.

Famous Quote for a Sunday

"Start by doing what's necessary, then what's possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible." Saint Francis

Relationship Glue

It’s the little things we do that make the difference in life… and I had proof of that only yesterday…

I was a little tired and preoccupied as I returned from a training day with UKTI. Walking towards the front door of our home I was surprised to see a ‘Forever Bear’ sitting atop the security camera. I stopped in my tracks and did a mental re-run … that bear had not been there this morning…was that not Jay’s bear?… his travelling teddy…the one the children gave him years ago to keep him company on his trips abroad? If it was… and here it was greeting me at the doorstep then that must mean that Jay was home early?

I stepped in tentatively calling, ‘Hello-oo is anyone there?.... Catriona…is your father home?…’ I began searching the rooms …had Jay really made it home already… he was not due back for another 48 hours. Let’s face it, I was booked to collect him from the airport…

And then there he was, standing before me larger than life and with a big, silly grin on his face! Well my delight and excitement were uncontrollable as I did not know what to do first –

• jump up and down
  
• kiss him
  
• hug him
  
• all of the above several times over again
  

He certainly could not accuse me of giving him a lukewarm reception! For a few moments, I chastised him for not telling me that he was coming back from the Middle East two days early and then I stopped and laughed with him and revelled in the thrill of the surprise.

Taking the time and making the effort to surprise someone with a thoughtful gesture is a wonderful thing to do. I loved what Jay did! And what a great example he is to his children. These are magical relationship gestures – they are the glue that keeps us together…. Relationship glue I call it…

What can you do this weekend to surprise someone you love? Make someone feel special and treasured. And there is a bonus in that you will feel great about yourself in the process. I am sure Jay would be the first to say that his effort cost him little or nothing other than his time and yet it made him feel extra special and valued.

Go on…go ahead…as it says on my Cool Beans Desktop... 'Do it now!'

Use the Stairs

So we are back to the topic of keeping fitter and trimmer and losing weight. It is amazing how many people have this desire.

Only yesterday, I had several clients who wanted to lose weight and were looking at exercise methods too; one at the budget end planning to buy an exercise ball and the other considering a cross trainer. I have just Googled cross trainers and the cost is anything from £199 to £899.00 and more.

Can I urge you to consider very seriously before you buy any sports equipment over £20 as in my experience these items are often left unused after the initial enthusiasm. Consider first using what you have to hand.... if you live in a home with stairs…then use them …

So step it up!

1. Run up and down the stairs (count this as one trip)
2. Increase the number of trips till you can feel your heart beating
3. Purchase wrist weights and add these to this simple exercise routine
4. Complete this exercise routine once a day at first, then increase to night and morning and only then when you have a dedicated exercise pattern consider spending money on expensive equipment that could easily become redundant.

It goes without saying that you must take care on the stairs, work within your own capabilities and consult with your doctor if you deem it necessary.

Use the stairs whenever you go shopping and take the exercise route rather than the escalator or elevator.

Please share any other simple tips to keep us all fitter, healthier and wealthier to boot!

Teenage Trials

A common topic of conversation in the studio at the moment is how to deal with nasty people and in the extreme – how to handle bullying. Perhaps this is because the schools have started their new terms. Many youngsters are making the transition from primary to secondary education and for some that can be a very difficult time and my clients, the mothers , are looking for support and advice.

Moving from primary to secondary school means you that you go from a being big fish in a small pond to a small fish in a big sea with the potential for shark attacks!

Here is a little advice from me - an ex-teacher:

1. Everybody else in your year is in the same boat. They may not look it, but they're just as nervous as you are.
2. Moving to secondary school is an opportunity, a challenge… not a problem!
3. Things are different and all you need to do is be polite, learn the new rules, learn the new ways of doing things and ask people if you are not sure what to do.
4. Older brothers and sister are useful for advice. If you haven't got any, why not ask the older brothers and sisters of friends?
5. Your form tutor is available to help you. These members of staff are experienced in helping new students to settle in and they won't mind if you ask them questions.
6. Some secondary schools send teachers to visit primary schools. If such a teacher visits your school, ask them anything you want. It’s useful to be 'in the know' before you get there!
7. Some secondary schools have a 'buddy system' or a 'friends system.' If your school has this, then you will be paired with an older student. They will look out for you and help you if you have any problems or questions.

If you are bullied or feel threatened then you need to talk about it! And of course bullying has so many guises. Catriona experienced some really nasty situations in her all-girl secondary school. Cat was a hard working and polite student. Her work was handed in on time. She could see the benefits of a good education. She is also slim, pretty and boys enjoyed her company. She comes from a caring family and she is ambitious to do well in life. This is a profile that attracts petty jealousy and bitchiness and in extreme cases - bullying.

Maybe the horrid situation that the youngsters face today – from vile insulting comments to vicious texts and emails – is actually preparing them for that fact that in life we do meet some very nasty characters. Much as we want to protect and shield our young people, perhaps we should acknowledge that they are in fact learning some life skills that will equip them well for work and real life.

The best tip I can offer is to walk away and not get drawn in to arguments. Find a new group of friends. Change routines so that the ‘nasties’ are not eating and having break periods at the same time and place as you. Avoid confrontation and concentrate on your studies, of course confide on staff and other responsible people, but also acknowledge that things will change when you make some changes too. Use the phrase, “I am not going to allow you to upset me today!” As you practise thinking this way, you will find yourself coming up with fresh solutions. Inwardly smile as you gain self control.

In Catriona’s own words, “Unfortunately bullying has become a part of everybody’s school life lately. I went through it, a lot of my friends went through it, but when I look at the situation now, we are the ones who have come out champions! We are the ones with successful jobs, plenty of genuine friends and happy lives. Those who bullied us and caused us grief are far from being or having any of these things. I like to think it is Karma. I am a firm believer of treating people the way you want to be treated. So, those who choose to make others lives a misery will in turn ‘have a dose of their own medicine.’

For those of you experiencing bullying, tell someone! Whatever you do, do not bottle it up inside. It does wonders to talk to people. I know many schools have a Bullying Policy; make sure you read it. Move away from those nasty people; don’t associate with them because they will only bring you down. Think of how many students attend your school, there will be plenty of nice, true people waiting to be your friend; the best are literally hard to find, you have to go looking!

Don’t ever feel scared, be proud of who you are. Even though my bullying experience was a hard time for me, I never doubted myself or tried to be anyone else. I don’t like the people, who made my high school years difficult, but as I mentioned, I am a better individual, as it has taught me so much. I am a firm, well-grounded person and I am totally confident in dealing with difficult people, and I have the bullies to thank for that! See, there really is a silver lining to every dark cloud!

Finally, although you may not see this at the time, things will get better. Stay focused on your studies, keep yourself busy with extra-curricular activities, surround yourself with great friends and most importantly, be the best at whatever you do and you will surely be a winner!”

Runners' High

So there we were, chatting away about life and the universe as only a mother and daughter can, when she revealed that she had dropped a dress size all over and that when we met up again, I was going to be greeted by a slim and shapely size 8/10!

Now I love Catriona dearly, however just at that moment….I was feeling very strange and unusual feelings towards her and they were not at all kind or maternal! I am not stupid enough to want to compete with someone, who is three decades my junior – well not in the dress size department anyway – however, what I heard spurred me on to compete with myself.

I had just thirty days to cause a total revolution in my lifestyle….and boy do I love a challenge! Well, that was thirty days ago and looking back I can only say… WoW!

I really never thought that I could or would run a mile! Me? The last time I ran for anything other than a bus was years ago, at Dunoon Grammar School; I had been a very good sprinter, well that was until I found boys and they brought my athletics career to an abrupt halt! Nonetheless, once upon a time I had done some running and I do know the principles of goal setting. So I got started…

Now when I began I did not have the target of jogging a mile…I just wanted to add fitness to my new sensible eating routine and I was a girl on a mission – I too wanted to drop a dress size and not just on a whim, this time I wanted to maintain it for life!

For the first ten days I just walked faster and faster. That was easy…I bought some wrist weights and did some exercises of arm raising and twisting as I walked. That must have made the neighbours laugh maybe they thought I was practising for takeoff and landing. Not that I cared…I was so focused on being fit for Catriona’s return that I did not give a jot what anyone might think. Next I added an evening cycle ride two or three times a week to my activity sheet…only half an hour or so…and not too strenuous.

It was recommended that I purchase a sports bra for comfort. Plus I realised that I had to go at a slower pace – I was no longer the 100 yard sprinter and winner of school medals at Kirn Primary School. I was a jogger!

About two weeks ago, I started to jog a few hundred yards and then each day I just ran a bit further… just one more lamppost…or to another tree …or to the next red car…and so I pushed my stamina levels up and up. I simply focused on the next achievable target. Was I enjoying it? Not really… but I was on a mission remember? I knew I was making progress when last Sunday, I ran further that I had ever dreamed possible! And so on the same afternoon I went out and did it again – just in case it was a fluke! And I was smiling to myself all the way. I was beginning to doubt my sanity. I’d always thought joggers were a bit mad.

Last night, for the first time in my life I jogged from doorstep to doorstep - the distance of one mile! How amazing is that?! I am so delighted and pleased with my success I just had to share it with you… granted when I got back my lungs were heaving, my was face flushed red and the thought of cardiac arrest did flash through my mind. But I had done it!

I’d always thought that jogging was not for me. But now I realise that this was just because I believed that I would not be able to do it. When it came down to a false belief versus a very strong desire it was a light bulb moment… bingo! And I had a need.

I strongly encourage you to raise your bar in the realm of personal fitness, as I feel fantastic! Maybe what I experienced is the ‘runners' high’- the production of endorphins, which make you feel fabulous. Try it! Get jogging! You need to feel as great as I do…

Top-Up Tip

It is easy to make light of surveys. But in a marvellous example from the Department of the Blindingly Obvious at Liverpool John Moores University, Professor John Ashton revealed on BBC radio this week that "Rock and pop stars are twice as likely to suffer a premature death as the rest of us". Over a thousand people who achieved fame in the 70s and 80s were "investigated", and a number of them were found to be…wait for it… yes… dead. Professor Ashton said "It may be that their drug-taking and drinking excesses, along with their risky lifestyle, play a part in this". Well in the words of another famous Liverpudlian, Cilla Black, “Surprise, Surprise!”

However, we must not always dismiss the obvious, as sometimes its very simplicity and clarity holds a secret key to success….For example, let me share Kyle’s ‘Top-Up Tip’ and explain his basic philosophy to you …

I know that Kyle has yet to take time to read Stephen Covey’s book ‘The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People’. This excellent personal development book has detailed success strategies. Yet Kyle has come up with his own simplified version of Covey’s interdependent relationship chapter. Both Kyle and Covey understand importance of emotional bank accounts.

Kyle lives in Dublin and his fiancée, Sarah in Frankfurt. They often spend weeks apart. Their friendship and love for each other is on a solid foundation thanks to what they call their ‘Top Up’ sessions. They have a commitment to stay in touch with each other every day. They use all communication media – texts, letters, email and occasional bunches of flowers via Interflora. Sometimes they only have a brief window to speak and other times they can talk and talk for hours (thank goodness for Skype and MSN!) They know that it is vital that they keep their emotional accounts full and in credit to allow for days, when they may have to make a serious withdrawal.

I believe this is an excellent relationship tool, when dealing with children too. Kyle and I had such fun when he was growing up. We shared many magical moments. So much so, that I reckon in emotional terms we were millionaires by the time he was ten years old. And this was what kept us together when testosterone hit and Kyle needed to grow up and make his own decisions. As a mother, I found this a very challenging time. We may not be the happy family unit we are today, had it not been for the emotional investment we had made in the early years.

Perhaps our children have modelled themselves on their parents. Their dad at times works overseas and in fact only returned to take on another contract in the Middle East last month. So Jay and I have similar challenges due to the distance, separation and risk factors. We use ‘Top Ups’ too although until today I had not referred to our communication methods in this way.

We are all different and not everyone would or could live their lives as we do. Although one of the benefits as we see it; is that this kind of lifestyle keeps us on permanent honeymoon status and we really do understand the meaning of sharing quality time.

The fact is, the dealer of the deck of cards called ‘life’ is extremely impartial and sometimes it appears that he deals from the bottom. We all have to learn to work with the hand we are dealt and one coping strategy that is worth considering is Kyle’s Top-Up Tip.

The Devil Wears Prada

Last night, Catriona and I were watching a DVD called – ‘the Devil Wears Prada’. It is a classic comedy drama with a happy, romantic ending. Meryl Streep plays an excellent part – that of powerful and demanding editor of a top flight fashion magazine – who has an unrealistic work ethic both for herself and her staff.

And it made me think of a chance comment I overheard at a speaking engagement recently. It was a reference made about a head teacher, who was so demanding that his staff seldom stayed for longer than necessary. They certainly did not seem to hold him in high regard or with fond memories. He was unmarried and oblivious to the home life of his colleagues; who had family commitments and had been heard to say on more than one occasion, when remonstrating with his staff, ‘Your work comes first…’

How do feel about that statement? Have you ever encountered this sentiment? Do you think it is a valid stance to take?

For time to time, our lives can go off balance. Occasionally, we may have to alter our compass. It is in such situations, I believe, that it is important to establish what I refer to as ‘vertical alignment or… VA’. My personal alignment is

1. my spiritual self
   
2. my family
   
3. my work

The Oxford Dictionary’s definition of spiritual is: of the soul or spirit. Wikipedia’s explanation adds: the "path", "work", practice, or tradition of perceiving and internalising one's "true" nature and relationship to the rest of existence

My alignment of spiritual, family, work is my default. And with this as my moral and life compass I can confidently go off road when a situation arises; secure in the knowledge that my VA will kick back in when my life attack is over. You may be thinking…life attack?…well the things happen to us all that can take over our lives for a period of time such as illness, marriage, death, birth, career and work pressures. If you have a solid foundation in your VA then you will cope much better when life attacks besiege you. You will have a safety net in your VA and it will return you to a solid and familiar routine that will comfort, satisfy and support all your needs.

As someone who works within the wellbeing arena…. and also because it is Sunday and a day to reflect and contemplate, May I ask you another series of questions?

1. Have you taken time to consider your own vertical alignment?
   
2. What is important in your life?
   
3. Have you got this set as your personal default?

Eilidh’s Top Tips for staying Youthful!

1. Throw out non-essential numbers

This includes age, weight, and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay them.

2. Keep only cheerful friends

Moaning Minnies and negative people only pull you down.

(Keep this in mind if you are sometimes one of those grumpies!)

3. Keep learning

Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening or whatever appeals to you. Never let the brain get idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop. And the devil's name is Alzheimer's!”

4. Enjoy the simple things …list these for yourself…

Visit http://impressionmanagementunlimited.blogspot.com/ for daily positive thoughts, tips and success strategies. See Natural Highs entry on the Blog.

5. Laugh often, long and loud

Laugh until you gasp for breath. If you have friends who make you laugh, spend lots and lots and lots of time with them! Feed on their happy spirits!

6. The tears happen

Endure, grieve, and then move on. LIVE while you are alive.

The only person, who is with us our entire life, is our self.

7. Surround yourself with what you love

Whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies or whatever makes you happy. Enjoy your home – it can be your refuge and sanctuary

8. Cherish your health

If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it.

If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

“If you don’t think it’s a great day, try missing one!” Zig Ziglar

9. Don't take guilt trips

Take a trip to a shopping centre, a car forecourt or even to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is - or view guilt differently – G U I L T Y

Give U (yourself) Indulgent Leisure Time Yes! Yahoo!

10. Tell the people you love, that you love them - at every opportunity. Start with yourself! Good Morning Gorgeous!

Back from the Gap

Catriona started her long journey home on Wednesday. Her route was Cairns Australia to London Heathrow/Manchester Shuttle via Singapore…

She turned up at the airport in good time of course and was extremely excited at the prospect of coming back to UK. Little did she know the drama that was about to unfold. And let’s put this in perspective, here we have a young nineteen year old, slip of a girl, who travelling alone for the first time....Checked in and customs ahead… she is preparing herself for security checks when the customs officer says,

“We need to take you to immigration”…and that is where the story begins…

Catriona knew that her working visa had expired. However, she had been in touch with the immigration authorities by phone on several occasions to get the facts explained to her; you see she plans to work for another year in Australia before taking on further education, so she obviously needs to get it right.

And here is the dichotomy - immigration’s interpretation was very different to Catriona’s understanding… and as they began to read her, ‘Her Rights’ prior to escorting her to the interview room she was in a state of shock! Especially when they told her she was entitled to a lawyer…mentioned a delay of about and week…. she was beginning to panic thinking…all I want is to go home!

“Do you have anything to declare?” the officer asked.

Catriona burst into tears, as she thought on my goodness at anytime they are going to do a full body search and get out the latex gloves! This extensive interview lasted over an hour, whilst immigration ran all sorts of checks on her…from the British Embassy to her Australian employers… and all the time she is thinking…I am not a criminal, I just want to go home…

She regained her composure and started to defend her situation in a gentle, yet factual way. And progress was made; immigration adopted a much more friendly approach. Then they told her that had she stayed just another 72 hours then she would have had a three year ban against her entering Australia! You see, no-one had mentioned that she would need a bridging visa… She burst into tears again! This was turning into a nightmare! Especially since we have already purchased her return ticket for next year! She was almost inconsolable….

Well, obviously Cat eventually got clearance and then was whisked through security…for little did she know the flight had been delayed because of her and 300 travellers were waiting for her to board!

The next part of the drama unfolds, as she gets on her flight, the cabin crew welcomes her. They can see from her tear stained face and red eyes that she is really distressed and in an attempt to cheer her they announce over the public address system that the passenger sitting in row 3D is the only UK resident on the plane and was held at customs for over an hour due to formalities… the passengers were asked to give her a round of applause and to Catriona’s great relief the plane took off…

It is at this point she finds out that she is heading to Darwin not direct to Singapore…oh great she thinks to herself, I am on the milk round and maybe they think I’m a terrorist!

You may be thinking the drama ends here…but you’d be wrong…when Cat gets to Darwin, Qantas do not have a seat allocated to her. There has been an administration error. By this time, I think she is in a state of nervous exhaustion yet, being an absolute star, she quietly states to the check-in agent…Can you help me please, I just want to go home… get me on that plane…And her attitude and personality won through, for at this point Miss Catriona MacFarlane Milnes is upgraded to first class all the way home!

This is kind of spooky as I have always said that we should act as though we travel first class through life …yet I have never flown first class personally…well not yet! And here she is at 19 years of age doing just that. And she liked it very very much... from the lounge where she sat in luxury sipping champagne, to the complimentary back massage and pedicure; to the 747 where she had a seat that turned into a bed, a personal sound and vision system that was like being in her own cinema and service from the a la carte menu - Not to mention the champagne and hors d’oeuvres on arrival!

So thankfully, the story does have a happy ending…and what can we learn from Catriona’s experience?

• Always buy a return ticket that falls within your visa deadline – she had purchased a one way ticket
• Do not depend on your knowledge and interpretation of immigration laws – get it in writing – ignorance is not a defence
• Learn to act in a polite and positive fashion, be transparent with your answers to officials and at the same time transmit your belief that the situation can have a happy resolution

All’s well that end well… and as I close today’s blog entry, Catriona is calling Australian immigration here in UK to ensure a seamless entry back in to the country in seven weeks time…