Love your life...survive the system

Yesterday was a great day! I spent it in Birmingham IOD with Mindy Gibbins-Klein the 'Book Midwife.'

As a result, I have a plan - we worked on the mindmap for my book- now it is full ahead main engines!

As many of you know, the purpose of the Blog was to get me writing everyday. Now it is time to leave the Blog for a while and concentrate on getting the book published.

So thank you for visiting IMU. Leave me a comment or email me via the web-site, if you want advance copy of the book launch.

You might be wondering what the book title is.... well it may be altered slightly.... but at the moment it is, "Learn to Work the System and Love your Job again..." or the title of the Blog perhaps.... 90 days and counting!

Sisterhood

Amy and Ann were in the salon yesterday. Amy kindly read aloud this story for us. I had forgotten that I had put it with some client information. It was inspired by an email I received some time ago. I hope it cheers you now...and you may want a tissue handy....

A young woman sat with her mother on the sofa drinking tea... and as they did so they talked about life, marriage and the obligations of adulthood. The mother thoughtfully turned to her daughter.

“Don’t forget your sisters,” she advised. "They’ll be more important to you as you get older. No matter how much you love your husband, no matter how much you love the children you may have, you are still going to need your sisters. Remember to go places with them now and then, do things with them from time to time…and remember that by sisters I mean ALL the women in your life… your girlfriends, your daughters and all your other women relatives too. You’ll need other women. Women always do.”

What a funny piece of advice the young woman thought. Am I not an adult woman now? Haven’t I just gotten married? Haven’t I just joined the couple world? I’m now a married woman for goodness sake! A grownup! Surely my husband and the family we may start will be all I need to make my life worthwhile. Nonetheless, she listened to the mother she loved. She kept contact with her sisters and naturally made more women friends as each year passed.

And as the years rolled by, she gradually realised that her mum really did know what she was talking about. Sisters were the mainstays of her life!

And after more than 50 years of living in the world, here is what I have learned…
Time passes…life attacks happen…distance separates…children grow up and leave home…loved ones die…jobs come and go…and so does love…. men do not do always what they are supposed to do…hearts break…colleagues forget favours…people let you down and .. careers end…

But through it all your Sisters are there. Sisters are never far away. Sisters are there, no matter how many miles …. countries and continents are between you. When you have to walk that lonesome valley and you have to walk it by yourself, the women in your life with be on the valley’s rim, cheering you on, praying for you, championing for you, intervening on your behalf and waiting with open arms at the valley’s end.

Sometimes sisters will even break the rules and walk beside you… or come in and carry you out. Girlfriends, granddaughters, daughters-in-law, sisters, sisters-in-law, mothers, mothers-in-law aunts, nieces, cousins, your hairdresser, beauty therapist/image consultant and extended family all bless our life! The world wouldn’t be the same without women and neither would I.

When I began this adventure of life called womanhood I had no idea of the incredible joys and sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did I know how much I would need my sisters… every day we need each other still.

Who are the special women in your life? Who helps to make your life meaningful? Add a comment and let me know…and why not mail your sisters to read the Blog today.... so that they know how much you love them? I am going to do that to my sisterhood right now…

Listen oh Listen!

My heritage is Scottish. This is the root of 'Eilidh', which is Gaelic for Helen. My clan motto is ‘Listen o’ Listen!’ - perfect for a professional speaker and coach! My ancestors would have shouted our battle cry, ‘Listen o’ Listen!’ at warrior opponents, as they came hurtling down the Scottish Highlands brandishing their claymores. My modern day approach does not physically threaten my clients however; I do connect powerfully with their emotions via the media of storytelling, relevant anecdotes and using the power of rapport.

In my experience, stable and securely grounded relationships are at the core of most significant aspects of a happy life. Quality relationships are key. It is essential in both personal and business matters that good, solid foundations are established from the outset. Good relationships then facilitate the success of common goals and objectives. Good relationships can become exceptional relationships. When I look at couples with successful marriages for example; the synergy within that family; the rapport they have developed has been instrumental in allowing them to further extend meaningful relationships to friends and worthwhile business pursuits.

The most significant aspects of your will life have sophisticated and highly developed relationships based on rapport. Little things make a BIG difference, sometimes seemingly insignificant or small interactions between with others are the important ones. Take listening for example, it is a very under-rated skill. When we understand how simple interactions work, we can use them to build rapport. We have to understand the other person. NLP is one method that can assist us to do this. Note I did not say, “Try to understand;” for as Yoda said, “There is do or not do, there is no try!” If you only try, then you will use NLP as a techinique and others see through techniques. If you embrace the theory behind the process and make it part of your everyday communications and dialogue then you will truly benefit and reap the rewards of your effort.

I have lady, who has been a client for some time. We have developed a relationship of mutual respect and trust. During a session, she told me about her imminent IVF treatment. She voiced concerns. She was very nervous and feared the unknown. Without thinking, I matched her tone. She leant forward to give me very personal information and I matched her body language and unconsciously mirrored her facial expressions. The client and I used similar pitch and pace within our speech patterns. For me, this is an automatic response, as I am able to call on my people skills. If you are not confident in this way, then I suggest you consider attending basic NLP training. By so doing you may develop a better understanding of what goes on between yourself and others - figuring out how how they think, realising what they want and understanding what makes them tick. I studied NLP during my coaching diploma, however, I learned as much if not more as a child watching my mother interact with others. The coaching course supported and consolidated my personal experiences.

I gave my client time to voice her concerns. I used active listening skills and empathy then suggested she might speak to a colleague, who is a retired GP and works for the charity “Foresight". It helps couples who are planning a family. Foresight encourages them to be in the best of health. The preconceptual approach of the charity can help with overcoming issues in connection with conception, pregnancy and birth. My client left happier and more relaxed about her future and the pending medical treatments. She felt more in control. In addition, she booked an appointment, kissed me as she left, we hugged and we laughed saying how much we looked forward to our time together.

Little things- like active listening -do make a BIG difference!

Twelve Tips for Talks

If you have to make a talk, presentation or attend an interview you may find these tips useful:

1. Keep comments positive
2. Practise so that your confidence increases
3. Work on your ‘ums and errs’
4. Never apologise or say “I’m sorry I don’t do this very often…” or something similar
5. Do not say “I’m nervous!”
6. Keep your head up and speak slowly and clearly
7. Beware OHP or Power Point Presentations (maximum of 3 points per slide) again practise is essential
8. Use 3x5 cards if you need an aide memoir – avoid loose pieces of paper
9. Keep your watch on - use a timer
10. Do not take Dutch courage or smoke prior to the event
11. Empty your pockets of loose change - avoid the distraction of jangling coins
12. Thank your audience or interview panel
    

Core Message Tip
Whenever we communicate, we convey a message. Otherwise the process is not communication, but simply making a noise. The art of good communication is to be able to convey the right message, in the right way, at the right time, to the right audience.

The essence of a message can always be distilled down to a core, being the precise detail that we wish to impart. The task of a great speaker, is to ensure that the "audience takeaway" is the same as the core message you planned.

There are several ways to create memorable messages. Try to think of words and phrases that are a little unusual, or conjure up an image. If your message is “seen” as a picture, it will be much more memorable. Groucho Marx used to tell a story about the value of words. He asked a little boy whether he preferred radio or TV.
“Radio” replied the boy at once “because the pictures are better”.

So, always try to conjure up an image in the mind of your audience. Engage their senses, stir their passions, and make your speech the one that they will remember.

The core message is the key.
For example, here's an extract from one of Churchill's great wartime speeches -

"We shall not flag or fail. We shall go on to the end. We shall fight in France. We shall fight on the seas and oceans. We shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air. We shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be. We shall fight on the landing grounds. We shall fight in the fields and in the streets. We shall fight in the hills. We shall never surrender."

Of the eighty-one words in this extract, only nine have more than one syllable. Only four have more than two. The power of that passage is immense. I felt it myself while just typing it, and I hadn't been born when it was delivered.


My friend Merryn Myatt, was on Radio 2 talking to Jeremy Vine recently. They were discussing public speaking. Merryn stated, "The standard newsreading speed (which everyone can grasp!) is three words to the second. That translates to 180 words to the minute, but bring that down to 150 per minute because you want to pause for laughter or dramatic effect. So if you're planning a 2 minute speech, you know to prepare approximately 150 words. That way, you never need a clock." This is an excellent method of measuring the length of a talk.

Remember that the greatest speeches are nearly always simple. So the pneumonic could be KISS - KEEP IMPORTANT SPEECHES SIMPLE!

World Smile Day

Smile!

Debbie Catt and Chris Davidson and I are all speakers. We had our monthly, mastermind meeting yesterday. We stopped for lunch and switched on the radio. Just at that precise moment, Jeremy Vine was interviewing someone we knew – Merryn Myatt (merryn@myattmedia.com) And she was talking about a subject very close to our hearts – public speaking. Merryn has many years of experience as a newsreader on TV, so Jeremy had sought input from a media expert. Merryn gave tips and advice on how to present well. It was refreshing to hear someone speak in an informed and confident manner about our profession. We listened intently, nodding and agreeing with our friend. When the interview concluded we smiled to each other thinking, well done Merryn!

What will make you smile today? And did you know that it is World Smile Day? Yes, this year, on October 5, 2007 we celebrate World Smile Day®. As ever the theme for the day is, "Do an act of kindness. Help one person smile." And, as ever, the image that leads the way on this day is the smiley face. It may interest you to the origins of the Smiley Face. It was created in 1963 by Harvey Ball, a commercial artist from Worcester, Massachusetts. That image went on to become the most recognizable symbol of good will and good cheer on the planet. He thought that all of us, should devote one day each year to smiles and kind acts throughout that world. The smiley face knows no politics, no geography and no religion. Harvey’s idea was that for at least one day each year, neither should we. He declared that the first Friday in October each year would henceforth be World Smile Day®. So what can you do today to help someone?

There are so many tiny acts of kindness, which in themselves appear to amount to nought, however the cumulative result can be outstanding. Today, I am going to start by taking in my neighbour's wheelie bin, call my sister to offer her help with a technical problem, take my daughter breakfast in bed, sort our the donations for the charity shop and then my email clients to wish them happy smiley day...and that's all before breakfast!

What about you? List all the kind acts you do today... all the little things that no-one but you will ever know about about or comment on. It'll make you feel fantastic I assure you.

Smiling is infectious so make it a habit. It is impossible to be cross and stay angry, when you smile. So go ahead. What have you got to lose? Remember what it says on Cool Beans.... a smile is a great (not to mention inexpensive!) way to improve your looks and smiling creates less wrinkles than frowning....so smiling has to be the better option.

Go Grin! (See blog entry September 20th for more 'hello gorgeous' smiley ideas....)

Maria’s Memory Tips 2

Memory is like muscular strength so “use it or lose it”! The more you work out your brain, the better you’ll be able to process and remember information.

My mother was in her mid-eighties when she died, however she had a razor sharp mind kept active by crosswords, anagrams, television quizzes, mental arithmetic, daily reading, writing and a general interest in the world around her. She was 85 going on 58!

Have healthy habits:

Treat your body well; it can enhance your ability to process and recall information.

Take Regular exercise:

Increase oxygen to your brain. This lowers the risk for disorders that lead to memory loss.

Reduce stress:

Research shows that the stress hormone can damage the brain; stress makes it difficult to concentrate and remember things.

Sleep like a baby:

Sleep is necessary for memory consolidation. Lack of sleep leaves you tired and unable to concentrate during the day.

No smoking!

Smoking constricts arteries that deliver oxygen to the brain.

Eat well:

A healthy diet based on fruits, vegetables, whole grains will provide lots of health benefits, but did you know that such a diet can also improve memory? Research indicates that vitamins and minerals nurture and stimulate brain function.

Give your brain a break:

Novelty and sensory stimulation are the foundation of brain exercise. If you change your routine in a challenging way, you will use brain pathways you were not using before.

Activities to help your memory:

• Brush your teeth with your left hand as opposed to your right hand or vice versa. This will activate the little-used connections on the non-dominant side of your brain.
• Or try a “neurobic” exercise that will force you to use your faculties in unusual ways e.g. shower and get dressed with your eyes closed or walk backwards up the stairs (carefully).
• Sign up for a class in a subject you don’t know much about.
• Take up a new strategy game such as poker or scrabble.
• Cook up some menus using unfamiliar recipes. That’s the most effective way to keep your synapses firing… or perhaps that should be frying?
• Learn a new poem or re-learn a favourite one from your childhood.

Finally, spaced repetition is also helpful, so let me reiterate two key points from Maria Memory Tips 1 on September 1st.

1. Consider taking Siberian ginseng with Ginkgo Biloba…I do. There are several hundred scientific studies showing the diverse benefits of these natural herbs and improved memory is one of them….the first challenge is to remember to take the supplement three times a day!

2. Be motivated and keep a positive attitude. Telling yourself you have a bad memory actually hampers the ability of your brain to remember, while positive mental feedback sets up an expectation of success. So note when you do remember things well and congratulate yourself.

Go Skip!

Kyle called last night – it was time for a ‘Top Up!’ Kyle sounded very happy, as he is in Germany visiting the love of his life, Sarah. So we exchanged views and news. When it was Sarah’s turn to talk she came on the phone with her usual light-hearted tone and laughter. How infectious that is! Soon I was giggling and smiling too.

“You sound particularly happy this evening Sarah,” I commented. “What have you been up to today?”

“We’ve just been skipping home…and that was so-o much fun! I felt like a five-year old again!” She said with delight. I had visions of my six foot-two son, who is built for rugby and his fiancée who is petite and small by comparison, skipping home arm in arm and I found myself smirking and smiling even more.

We can all benefit from acting like a child more often. Revisit your childhood today and do something different, something out of the ordinary, something silly and fun – just for the heck of it! Many people take life far too seriously and miss out on so many simple pleasures. Don’t be one of them…

As for me? I am going to be skipping through today and having a lot of fun in the process. Why not join me ….

And if you come up with any other ideas that involve joyful activities associated with childhood, please share them with us.