Hung by the Tongue!

Do you have the ability to reverse numbers and to jumble letters and words? I create “spoonerisms” on a regular basis. I think my brain is sometimes disconnected from my mouth and so I come away with such statements as, “Peanut butter me the fridge” which means that the peanut butter is in the fridge…I think!

This idiosyncrasy used to frustrate me. Jay, my husband would poke fun at me too. This did not go down well even though I knew his comments were not malicious. I still felt frustration. Then I read “Psycho-Cybernetics” by Maxwell Maltz. After reading this excellent book, I pointed out to Jay, that according to Maltz “one’s subconscious does not have a sense of humour”; and that his comments even though in jest – hurt. I suggested to Jay, that he kindly refrain from his jibes and banter? He insisted that he was only joking. And then one day Jay listened to my request…. after reading the book himself!

I strongly suggest we learn to live with our friends and family without the use of sarcasm and unkind comments. They can do untold damage. As Maltz explains, our subconscious cannot distinguish fact from fiction. So if you tell your loved one that they are for example, stupid, fat, or useless with money, then that person goes away and thinks about what you have just said. They mull it over and the subconscious will concentrate and focus on the comments – even if they are not true. Speak with care. Beware of getting ‘hung by your tongue!’

To find our more read “Psycho-Cybernetics” – I thoroughly recommend it.

For my part, I now accept that my brain and mouth work at different speeds! Fortunately, it is not what we say, but how we say it that actually matters. When we speak,

• 8% of the effect of the communication is in the words which are used

• 32% the tone of the voice

• 60% the attitude

I bear these facts in mind when I feel I am not working at my most coherent. I “swish” in the statistics and remember that many many people, including my family, say this quirk of mine is one of the things that makes me, me. It certainly means my audiences have to listen well to understand me at times! However, I continue to be a popular keynote speaker and coach and get many repeat bookings and referrals. The delegates can obviously identify with me and we have a lot of fun.

As it turns out, my inadequacy or as I prefer to say my idiosyncrasy, has in fact become my USP – my unique selling point! What is your USP?

So never be afraid to be yourself. Have fun and watch that tongue!

Are we ‘bovvered?’

According to the Times September 25, 2007 Girls in UK are now bigger binge drinkers than boys and get drunk more often….They seem to be becoming more sexually assertive – behaviour also more usually associated with young males... Girls are far more critical of their bodies than boys…Young women narrow – rather than expand – their aspirations as they get older. ..

Let’s be ‘bovvered’ by such statistics. Let’s set a trend to act in a positive fashion, when greeted by such negative statements. It does not have to be this way.

If we are going to make a difference we have to stop accepting these facts at face value. Whatever happened to hard-won feminism? Feminists never saw themselves as victims of exploitation. It appears that many young people today do exactly that. We need to celebrate with the girls who retain their self respect. Praise the young women who are prepared to be modest and moderate in their behaviour. Respect the teenagers who want to be responsible young citizens.

One of my ‘Cool Beans™’ sayings is, “Children should live with champions and heroes!” The challenge for the young of today is to find a role model that they can identify with. We need to set the example with passive leadership, both as parents and as members of a civilised society. We need to stand up to the plate and become the heroes! Young adults do not respond to threats, such as being ‘grounded’ – few of us do. People treated in such a way become untrusting, unwilling and defensive. We need to become considerate and thoughtful, lead by example and develop comfortable relationships with our youth of today; after all they are our tomorrow.

Find a passive leader in your family or circle of friends – someone you can look up to, admire and edify. For my own part, I need look no further than my husband, Jay. With his quiet and firm ways he set a perfect example to our children. We had proof of this when Kyle reached the age of 17 and had earned his first sizeable pay cheque. For the first time in his life, Kyle was able to buy Christmas presents with his own hard earned cash. On Christmas morn, he presented his father a large and elegantly wrapped parcel. “For you, bud!” he said with a big hug. On opening, Jay found a beautifully framed, black and white signed print entitled ‘Posse’ depicting seven famous riders on horseback … John Wayne, Charles Bronson, Clint Eastwood to mention but three…On the back, Kyle had written, “Dad, in your life, these men have been your heroes, but in my life you will always be my hero!”

Jay being Jay, did not say much. There was another big hug and special and knowing smile was exchanged between the two men in my life. They quietly acknowledged their love for each other this way….meanwhile the mother of the family had tears of joy and happiness running down her cheeks!

Let’s a raise the standards and set a good example ….go be a hero today!

If you are going through hell, keep going!

I would love to take credit for the words “If you are going through hell, keep going.” However they belong to the great statesman Winston Churchill. His sentiments make a high impact headline and would not be out of place on a fridge magnet or my Cool Beans™ desktop for that matter.

Clients often share their experiences with me - good and bad. Many times as they leave the studio I think to myself, ‘There but for the grace of God, go I…’ The best advice Mr Churchill and I can offer at times of anguish and distress is... keep going. Circumstances do change for the better. It is important to focus on one or two things you can work on and achieve.

I am sure know the question –

“How do you eat an elephant?” with the answer -

“One bite at a time!”

If there is an issue in your life at the moment, concentrate on doing one thing each day. Keep the steps simple and do-able and most importantly keep doing them. And you know, in a relatively short period of time, you will be amazed at the difference in your life.

Keep on keepin’ on!

Maximise the Meeting

One of my clients has just received a letter from her school regarding parent interviews. “What should you ask the teacher?” she enquired. I’ve sat on both sides of this one: as a mother of two and as a teacher. I learned that there are things parents can do before, during and even after the event to make the most of those meetings. Parent interviews are like most meetings - if you ask the right questions, you may just learn a few things. Here are some suggestions to maximise a parent /teacher meeting.

What to Do Beforehand

1. Take time before the appointment to jot down any questions so you won’t forget them. Your goal is to find out not only how your child is doing, but also ways you can help out at home. Here are my tips to help you prepare for the meeting but, of course, tailor your queries to your child and your concerns.
2. Briefly review your child’s latest schoolwork, tests, and assignments. Do you have any concerns or questions?
3. Talk to your child: Ask if there is anything he’d like you to ask his teacher (such as the homework schedule or when the library books are due). Also ask: “Is there anything you think the teacher will tell me that I don’t know?” Better to not be surprised…
4. Review teacher guidelines: Take a look at the classroom rules, holidays, homework and behaviour expectations, dress code, and contact numbers. Doing so may save you from taking time away from discussing your child’s progress. If you don’t have a school handbook, ask your child to bring one home.

What to Do During the Meeting

1. Be on time in fact be early. The teacher has only a set time to talk, so you should use it wisely. Walk in with an open mind and listen. You can always schedule another appointment later.
2. Take paper and a pencil to jot notes. Also bring the key questions you want answers to. You want to try to get an accurate assessment of how your child is doing academically, but also socially and emotionally. Here are a few questions you might want to ask:

• School work: How is my child doing academically? Socially? Behaviourally? How is he doing on tests? Is there anything I can do to help?
• Social skills: Does he fit in? How does he get along with others? Who does he play with or hang around with? Is there any child you think might be a good friend for him that he currently doesn't associate with?
• Strengths and weaknesses: What are his strengths? His strongest subjects? What about weaknesses? Is he keeping up? Should we be concerned? What can we do at home to help?
• Homework: How much time should he spend on it each night? Is he turning it in on time? Is there a list of books he should be reading at home? Is there a homework schedule? You may also want to inquire about scheduled book reports or upcoming projects. The goal is to find out if your child is not only doing his homework and turning it in, but if it’s also done at the level the teacher expects.
• Emotional well-being: Does he seem comfortable and happy in the classroom? Does he appear confident and willing to participate?
• Behaviour: How does my child behave around adults and other kids? Is he polite and respectful?
• Teacher contact: What is the best way to reach you? (i.e., email, phone, note).
• Your role: If you are so inclined, ask if there is anything you can do to help out in the classroom or outside of school.
• Problems: If the teacher does mention a problem (a learning disability, a behaviour concern, low test scores), stay open and gather as much information as possible. Your goal is to find out what the teacher plans to do to help remedy the problem, how significant an issue it is, and how you can reinforce the plan at home. Find out how you will know if the problem is improving or escalating. Let her know you want to stay on top of things. Figure out how the two of you will monitor the issue together.

What to do After the Event

Go home and share what you learned with your child. Always start with positive praise and if there is a concern discuss how you and his teacher will monitor things so there is an improvement. Then commit to doing what you discussed. Share the plan with the family.

• If you still have concerns schedule another conference in a week or so.
  
• Consider writing a note of thanks to the teacher.

Good Morning Gorgeous x 2

We are all responsible for our attitudes and one of the most basic and most important things we do for our own self image and self belief is smile…

Go ahead, smile at your computer screen right now! Take a few seconds…can you broaden that smile, add a twinkle to your eyes and laugh out loud too?

Well done! How do you feel? Marginally better? And the more often you do this the better you will feel. So logically, why not smile if it makes you feel good?

What you must realise it that the expression you wear on your face is more important that the clothes you wear on your back. Your smile, or lack thereof, will leave a lasting impression.

When you look in the mirror in the morning what do you see? What do you say to yourself? Do you see signs of aging, frown lines and a poor complexion? Or do you look in the mirror and say,

“Good Morning Gorgeous!”

I do! And you know I feel great every day.

Why not try this simplest of techniques?

I challenge you for the next seven days to speak kind words of encouragement to yourself and start from the get go. Print yourself a post-it note and put it on your bathroom mirror. This note is your uplifting morning greeting to yourself. And “Good Morning Gorgeous!” and “Smile!” are great ways to start any day.

Most of us want to stay younger looking for as long as possible. Frowning causes more wrinkles than smiling. “Smile more,” do I hear you say?

In my publication, “Cool Beans,” I reinforce PMA with over sixty positive thoughts.

The urban dictionary describes ‘cool beans’ as an adjective to describe something very favourable, splendid, delightful, sweet and awesome…

Is your life “Cool Beans?” If not, start with smiling more.

One of the statements in the desktop is, “A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks!” Now isn’t that a fact?

Children need no encouragement to smile and laugh. An adult laughs on average 15 times a day. A young child laughs around 400 times a day….Find that child within you and smile and laugh at every opportunity.

And knowing that research is now proving that people with good PMA and who smile and laugh a lot; also live longer what more do I need to add?

Perhaps you feel I am stating the obvious… I would argue that from the number of glum faces I see every day in companies and car parks that is it obvious that many people are either ignorant or ignoring these basic facts.

“When you smile the whole world smiles with you…” Try it! And please do let me know the results…

Don’t Quit!

Top Ten Success Tips

1. Think like you want to be…
It is hard to be happy, joyful and successful; if you don't think that you are a happy, joyful, and successful person. Think it first. Then do it! Talk it into existence. Successful sports professionals visualise themselves cross the finishing lines and collecting the gold medals’ long before such events materialise. You need to adopt the same mental attitude.

2. Smile!
There's no arguing with this one -- research has shown the smiling has both psychological and physiological effects. So, put a smile on your face and you'll be on your way to a change in attitude!

3. Immerse yourself
Read books, ezines, articles and magazines that help you understand and adopt your new attitude. Watch films or listen to music that inspire you and encourages you to change. Purchase uplifting personal development CDs for your car and turn your vehicle into a travelling university.

4. Change your actions…
It is difficult to change your attitude, if you keep doing the same old stuff the same old way. Do things differently to start thinking differently. Embrace change. Consider reading, “Who Moved My Cheese” or “Polar Bear Pirates” great little books on change. Do not be fooled by their simplicity.

5. Change your environment
Make your environment reflect the attitude you wish to have. Create the physical space that makes you eager to change. Start by having a clear out! Do some life laundry! Your wardrobe is a great place to start. Many of us wear only 25% of our clothes. Be ruthless and black bag it! The charity shops will be grateful and you will feel all the better for the de-clutter.

6. Follow the leader
Find someone who already has the attitude you wish to have. Follow their lead, learn from their example.

7. Help others (and help yourself)
One of the fastest ways to change your attitude is to take the focus off yourself and to help others in need. Take part a in a sponsored event. This is a win/win as the charity benefits for the funds and you feel better and get fitter into the bargain.

8. Get a little help from your friends
Contact your good friends and tell them what you're doing and enlist their support to help you change and give you ideas. The more you feel like you're part of a group effort; the more likely you are to be successful.

9. Work with a pro…
If the change you desire to make is a big one or is extremely radical, consider getting the help coach. Professionals can reduce the time and frustrations involved; as well as provide you with many new ideas to help you grow.

10. Be patient
Recognize that most changes occur slowly, over an extended period of time. If you don't get immediate results, don't be surprised. Keep working, it'll come.

Most importantly, DON'T QUIT!

Daily Positive Input

We can all do with a daily dose of positivity. You might like to have an upbeat quotation or thought provoking story hit your email box every day. If so, register with: subscription@mydailyinsights.com

Here are today’s wise words from William Arthur Ward:

“Optimists enrich the present, enhance the future,

challenge the improbable and attain the impossible.”

And if you know of another good source of similar information then please post a comment with the details. Thank you.

Famous Quote for a Sunday

"Start by doing what's necessary, then what's possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible." Saint Francis

Relationship Glue

It’s the little things we do that make the difference in life… and I had proof of that only yesterday…

I was a little tired and preoccupied as I returned from a training day with UKTI. Walking towards the front door of our home I was surprised to see a ‘Forever Bear’ sitting atop the security camera. I stopped in my tracks and did a mental re-run … that bear had not been there this morning…was that not Jay’s bear?… his travelling teddy…the one the children gave him years ago to keep him company on his trips abroad? If it was… and here it was greeting me at the doorstep then that must mean that Jay was home early?

I stepped in tentatively calling, ‘Hello-oo is anyone there?.... Catriona…is your father home?…’ I began searching the rooms …had Jay really made it home already… he was not due back for another 48 hours. Let’s face it, I was booked to collect him from the airport…

And then there he was, standing before me larger than life and with a big, silly grin on his face! Well my delight and excitement were uncontrollable as I did not know what to do first –

• jump up and down
  
• kiss him
  
• hug him
  
• all of the above several times over again
  

He certainly could not accuse me of giving him a lukewarm reception! For a few moments, I chastised him for not telling me that he was coming back from the Middle East two days early and then I stopped and laughed with him and revelled in the thrill of the surprise.

Taking the time and making the effort to surprise someone with a thoughtful gesture is a wonderful thing to do. I loved what Jay did! And what a great example he is to his children. These are magical relationship gestures – they are the glue that keeps us together…. Relationship glue I call it…

What can you do this weekend to surprise someone you love? Make someone feel special and treasured. And there is a bonus in that you will feel great about yourself in the process. I am sure Jay would be the first to say that his effort cost him little or nothing other than his time and yet it made him feel extra special and valued.

Go on…go ahead…as it says on my Cool Beans Desktop... 'Do it now!'

Use the Stairs

So we are back to the topic of keeping fitter and trimmer and losing weight. It is amazing how many people have this desire.

Only yesterday, I had several clients who wanted to lose weight and were looking at exercise methods too; one at the budget end planning to buy an exercise ball and the other considering a cross trainer. I have just Googled cross trainers and the cost is anything from £199 to £899.00 and more.

Can I urge you to consider very seriously before you buy any sports equipment over £20 as in my experience these items are often left unused after the initial enthusiasm. Consider first using what you have to hand.... if you live in a home with stairs…then use them …

So step it up!

1. Run up and down the stairs (count this as one trip)
2. Increase the number of trips till you can feel your heart beating
3. Purchase wrist weights and add these to this simple exercise routine
4. Complete this exercise routine once a day at first, then increase to night and morning and only then when you have a dedicated exercise pattern consider spending money on expensive equipment that could easily become redundant.

It goes without saying that you must take care on the stairs, work within your own capabilities and consult with your doctor if you deem it necessary.

Use the stairs whenever you go shopping and take the exercise route rather than the escalator or elevator.

Please share any other simple tips to keep us all fitter, healthier and wealthier to boot!

Teenage Trials

A common topic of conversation in the studio at the moment is how to deal with nasty people and in the extreme – how to handle bullying. Perhaps this is because the schools have started their new terms. Many youngsters are making the transition from primary to secondary education and for some that can be a very difficult time and my clients, the mothers , are looking for support and advice.

Moving from primary to secondary school means you that you go from a being big fish in a small pond to a small fish in a big sea with the potential for shark attacks!

Here is a little advice from me - an ex-teacher:

1. Everybody else in your year is in the same boat. They may not look it, but they're just as nervous as you are.
2. Moving to secondary school is an opportunity, a challenge… not a problem!
3. Things are different and all you need to do is be polite, learn the new rules, learn the new ways of doing things and ask people if you are not sure what to do.
4. Older brothers and sister are useful for advice. If you haven't got any, why not ask the older brothers and sisters of friends?
5. Your form tutor is available to help you. These members of staff are experienced in helping new students to settle in and they won't mind if you ask them questions.
6. Some secondary schools send teachers to visit primary schools. If such a teacher visits your school, ask them anything you want. It’s useful to be 'in the know' before you get there!
7. Some secondary schools have a 'buddy system' or a 'friends system.' If your school has this, then you will be paired with an older student. They will look out for you and help you if you have any problems or questions.

If you are bullied or feel threatened then you need to talk about it! And of course bullying has so many guises. Catriona experienced some really nasty situations in her all-girl secondary school. Cat was a hard working and polite student. Her work was handed in on time. She could see the benefits of a good education. She is also slim, pretty and boys enjoyed her company. She comes from a caring family and she is ambitious to do well in life. This is a profile that attracts petty jealousy and bitchiness and in extreme cases - bullying.

Maybe the horrid situation that the youngsters face today – from vile insulting comments to vicious texts and emails – is actually preparing them for that fact that in life we do meet some very nasty characters. Much as we want to protect and shield our young people, perhaps we should acknowledge that they are in fact learning some life skills that will equip them well for work and real life.

The best tip I can offer is to walk away and not get drawn in to arguments. Find a new group of friends. Change routines so that the ‘nasties’ are not eating and having break periods at the same time and place as you. Avoid confrontation and concentrate on your studies, of course confide on staff and other responsible people, but also acknowledge that things will change when you make some changes too. Use the phrase, “I am not going to allow you to upset me today!” As you practise thinking this way, you will find yourself coming up with fresh solutions. Inwardly smile as you gain self control.

In Catriona’s own words, “Unfortunately bullying has become a part of everybody’s school life lately. I went through it, a lot of my friends went through it, but when I look at the situation now, we are the ones who have come out champions! We are the ones with successful jobs, plenty of genuine friends and happy lives. Those who bullied us and caused us grief are far from being or having any of these things. I like to think it is Karma. I am a firm believer of treating people the way you want to be treated. So, those who choose to make others lives a misery will in turn ‘have a dose of their own medicine.’

For those of you experiencing bullying, tell someone! Whatever you do, do not bottle it up inside. It does wonders to talk to people. I know many schools have a Bullying Policy; make sure you read it. Move away from those nasty people; don’t associate with them because they will only bring you down. Think of how many students attend your school, there will be plenty of nice, true people waiting to be your friend; the best are literally hard to find, you have to go looking!

Don’t ever feel scared, be proud of who you are. Even though my bullying experience was a hard time for me, I never doubted myself or tried to be anyone else. I don’t like the people, who made my high school years difficult, but as I mentioned, I am a better individual, as it has taught me so much. I am a firm, well-grounded person and I am totally confident in dealing with difficult people, and I have the bullies to thank for that! See, there really is a silver lining to every dark cloud!

Finally, although you may not see this at the time, things will get better. Stay focused on your studies, keep yourself busy with extra-curricular activities, surround yourself with great friends and most importantly, be the best at whatever you do and you will surely be a winner!”

Runners' High

So there we were, chatting away about life and the universe as only a mother and daughter can, when she revealed that she had dropped a dress size all over and that when we met up again, I was going to be greeted by a slim and shapely size 8/10!

Now I love Catriona dearly, however just at that moment….I was feeling very strange and unusual feelings towards her and they were not at all kind or maternal! I am not stupid enough to want to compete with someone, who is three decades my junior – well not in the dress size department anyway – however, what I heard spurred me on to compete with myself.

I had just thirty days to cause a total revolution in my lifestyle….and boy do I love a challenge! Well, that was thirty days ago and looking back I can only say… WoW!

I really never thought that I could or would run a mile! Me? The last time I ran for anything other than a bus was years ago, at Dunoon Grammar School; I had been a very good sprinter, well that was until I found boys and they brought my athletics career to an abrupt halt! Nonetheless, once upon a time I had done some running and I do know the principles of goal setting. So I got started…

Now when I began I did not have the target of jogging a mile…I just wanted to add fitness to my new sensible eating routine and I was a girl on a mission – I too wanted to drop a dress size and not just on a whim, this time I wanted to maintain it for life!

For the first ten days I just walked faster and faster. That was easy…I bought some wrist weights and did some exercises of arm raising and twisting as I walked. That must have made the neighbours laugh maybe they thought I was practising for takeoff and landing. Not that I cared…I was so focused on being fit for Catriona’s return that I did not give a jot what anyone might think. Next I added an evening cycle ride two or three times a week to my activity sheet…only half an hour or so…and not too strenuous.

It was recommended that I purchase a sports bra for comfort. Plus I realised that I had to go at a slower pace – I was no longer the 100 yard sprinter and winner of school medals at Kirn Primary School. I was a jogger!

About two weeks ago, I started to jog a few hundred yards and then each day I just ran a bit further… just one more lamppost…or to another tree …or to the next red car…and so I pushed my stamina levels up and up. I simply focused on the next achievable target. Was I enjoying it? Not really… but I was on a mission remember? I knew I was making progress when last Sunday, I ran further that I had ever dreamed possible! And so on the same afternoon I went out and did it again – just in case it was a fluke! And I was smiling to myself all the way. I was beginning to doubt my sanity. I’d always thought joggers were a bit mad.

Last night, for the first time in my life I jogged from doorstep to doorstep - the distance of one mile! How amazing is that?! I am so delighted and pleased with my success I just had to share it with you… granted when I got back my lungs were heaving, my was face flushed red and the thought of cardiac arrest did flash through my mind. But I had done it!

I’d always thought that jogging was not for me. But now I realise that this was just because I believed that I would not be able to do it. When it came down to a false belief versus a very strong desire it was a light bulb moment… bingo! And I had a need.

I strongly encourage you to raise your bar in the realm of personal fitness, as I feel fantastic! Maybe what I experienced is the ‘runners' high’- the production of endorphins, which make you feel fabulous. Try it! Get jogging! You need to feel as great as I do…

Top-Up Tip

It is easy to make light of surveys. But in a marvellous example from the Department of the Blindingly Obvious at Liverpool John Moores University, Professor John Ashton revealed on BBC radio this week that "Rock and pop stars are twice as likely to suffer a premature death as the rest of us". Over a thousand people who achieved fame in the 70s and 80s were "investigated", and a number of them were found to be…wait for it… yes… dead. Professor Ashton said "It may be that their drug-taking and drinking excesses, along with their risky lifestyle, play a part in this". Well in the words of another famous Liverpudlian, Cilla Black, “Surprise, Surprise!”

However, we must not always dismiss the obvious, as sometimes its very simplicity and clarity holds a secret key to success….For example, let me share Kyle’s ‘Top-Up Tip’ and explain his basic philosophy to you …

I know that Kyle has yet to take time to read Stephen Covey’s book ‘The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People’. This excellent personal development book has detailed success strategies. Yet Kyle has come up with his own simplified version of Covey’s interdependent relationship chapter. Both Kyle and Covey understand importance of emotional bank accounts.

Kyle lives in Dublin and his fiancée, Sarah in Frankfurt. They often spend weeks apart. Their friendship and love for each other is on a solid foundation thanks to what they call their ‘Top Up’ sessions. They have a commitment to stay in touch with each other every day. They use all communication media – texts, letters, email and occasional bunches of flowers via Interflora. Sometimes they only have a brief window to speak and other times they can talk and talk for hours (thank goodness for Skype and MSN!) They know that it is vital that they keep their emotional accounts full and in credit to allow for days, when they may have to make a serious withdrawal.

I believe this is an excellent relationship tool, when dealing with children too. Kyle and I had such fun when he was growing up. We shared many magical moments. So much so, that I reckon in emotional terms we were millionaires by the time he was ten years old. And this was what kept us together when testosterone hit and Kyle needed to grow up and make his own decisions. As a mother, I found this a very challenging time. We may not be the happy family unit we are today, had it not been for the emotional investment we had made in the early years.

Perhaps our children have modelled themselves on their parents. Their dad at times works overseas and in fact only returned to take on another contract in the Middle East last month. So Jay and I have similar challenges due to the distance, separation and risk factors. We use ‘Top Ups’ too although until today I had not referred to our communication methods in this way.

We are all different and not everyone would or could live their lives as we do. Although one of the benefits as we see it; is that this kind of lifestyle keeps us on permanent honeymoon status and we really do understand the meaning of sharing quality time.

The fact is, the dealer of the deck of cards called ‘life’ is extremely impartial and sometimes it appears that he deals from the bottom. We all have to learn to work with the hand we are dealt and one coping strategy that is worth considering is Kyle’s Top-Up Tip.

The Devil Wears Prada

Last night, Catriona and I were watching a DVD called – ‘the Devil Wears Prada’. It is a classic comedy drama with a happy, romantic ending. Meryl Streep plays an excellent part – that of powerful and demanding editor of a top flight fashion magazine – who has an unrealistic work ethic both for herself and her staff.

And it made me think of a chance comment I overheard at a speaking engagement recently. It was a reference made about a head teacher, who was so demanding that his staff seldom stayed for longer than necessary. They certainly did not seem to hold him in high regard or with fond memories. He was unmarried and oblivious to the home life of his colleagues; who had family commitments and had been heard to say on more than one occasion, when remonstrating with his staff, ‘Your work comes first…’

How do feel about that statement? Have you ever encountered this sentiment? Do you think it is a valid stance to take?

For time to time, our lives can go off balance. Occasionally, we may have to alter our compass. It is in such situations, I believe, that it is important to establish what I refer to as ‘vertical alignment or… VA’. My personal alignment is

1. my spiritual self
   
2. my family
   
3. my work

The Oxford Dictionary’s definition of spiritual is: of the soul or spirit. Wikipedia’s explanation adds: the "path", "work", practice, or tradition of perceiving and internalising one's "true" nature and relationship to the rest of existence

My alignment of spiritual, family, work is my default. And with this as my moral and life compass I can confidently go off road when a situation arises; secure in the knowledge that my VA will kick back in when my life attack is over. You may be thinking…life attack?…well the things happen to us all that can take over our lives for a period of time such as illness, marriage, death, birth, career and work pressures. If you have a solid foundation in your VA then you will cope much better when life attacks besiege you. You will have a safety net in your VA and it will return you to a solid and familiar routine that will comfort, satisfy and support all your needs.

As someone who works within the wellbeing arena…. and also because it is Sunday and a day to reflect and contemplate, May I ask you another series of questions?

1. Have you taken time to consider your own vertical alignment?
   
2. What is important in your life?
   
3. Have you got this set as your personal default?

Eilidh’s Top Tips for staying Youthful!

1. Throw out non-essential numbers

This includes age, weight, and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay them.

2. Keep only cheerful friends

Moaning Minnies and negative people only pull you down.

(Keep this in mind if you are sometimes one of those grumpies!)

3. Keep learning

Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening or whatever appeals to you. Never let the brain get idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop. And the devil's name is Alzheimer's!”

4. Enjoy the simple things …list these for yourself…

Visit http://impressionmanagementunlimited.blogspot.com/ for daily positive thoughts, tips and success strategies. See Natural Highs entry on the Blog.

5. Laugh often, long and loud

Laugh until you gasp for breath. If you have friends who make you laugh, spend lots and lots and lots of time with them! Feed on their happy spirits!

6. The tears happen

Endure, grieve, and then move on. LIVE while you are alive.

The only person, who is with us our entire life, is our self.

7. Surround yourself with what you love

Whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies or whatever makes you happy. Enjoy your home – it can be your refuge and sanctuary

8. Cherish your health

If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it.

If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

“If you don’t think it’s a great day, try missing one!” Zig Ziglar

9. Don't take guilt trips

Take a trip to a shopping centre, a car forecourt or even to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is - or view guilt differently – G U I L T Y

Give U (yourself) Indulgent Leisure Time Yes! Yahoo!

10. Tell the people you love, that you love them - at every opportunity. Start with yourself! Good Morning Gorgeous!

Back from the Gap

Catriona started her long journey home on Wednesday. Her route was Cairns Australia to London Heathrow/Manchester Shuttle via Singapore…

She turned up at the airport in good time of course and was extremely excited at the prospect of coming back to UK. Little did she know the drama that was about to unfold. And let’s put this in perspective, here we have a young nineteen year old, slip of a girl, who travelling alone for the first time....Checked in and customs ahead… she is preparing herself for security checks when the customs officer says,

“We need to take you to immigration”…and that is where the story begins…

Catriona knew that her working visa had expired. However, she had been in touch with the immigration authorities by phone on several occasions to get the facts explained to her; you see she plans to work for another year in Australia before taking on further education, so she obviously needs to get it right.

And here is the dichotomy - immigration’s interpretation was very different to Catriona’s understanding… and as they began to read her, ‘Her Rights’ prior to escorting her to the interview room she was in a state of shock! Especially when they told her she was entitled to a lawyer…mentioned a delay of about and week…. she was beginning to panic thinking…all I want is to go home!

“Do you have anything to declare?” the officer asked.

Catriona burst into tears, as she thought on my goodness at anytime they are going to do a full body search and get out the latex gloves! This extensive interview lasted over an hour, whilst immigration ran all sorts of checks on her…from the British Embassy to her Australian employers… and all the time she is thinking…I am not a criminal, I just want to go home…

She regained her composure and started to defend her situation in a gentle, yet factual way. And progress was made; immigration adopted a much more friendly approach. Then they told her that had she stayed just another 72 hours then she would have had a three year ban against her entering Australia! You see, no-one had mentioned that she would need a bridging visa… She burst into tears again! This was turning into a nightmare! Especially since we have already purchased her return ticket for next year! She was almost inconsolable….

Well, obviously Cat eventually got clearance and then was whisked through security…for little did she know the flight had been delayed because of her and 300 travellers were waiting for her to board!

The next part of the drama unfolds, as she gets on her flight, the cabin crew welcomes her. They can see from her tear stained face and red eyes that she is really distressed and in an attempt to cheer her they announce over the public address system that the passenger sitting in row 3D is the only UK resident on the plane and was held at customs for over an hour due to formalities… the passengers were asked to give her a round of applause and to Catriona’s great relief the plane took off…

It is at this point she finds out that she is heading to Darwin not direct to Singapore…oh great she thinks to herself, I am on the milk round and maybe they think I’m a terrorist!

You may be thinking the drama ends here…but you’d be wrong…when Cat gets to Darwin, Qantas do not have a seat allocated to her. There has been an administration error. By this time, I think she is in a state of nervous exhaustion yet, being an absolute star, she quietly states to the check-in agent…Can you help me please, I just want to go home… get me on that plane…And her attitude and personality won through, for at this point Miss Catriona MacFarlane Milnes is upgraded to first class all the way home!

This is kind of spooky as I have always said that we should act as though we travel first class through life …yet I have never flown first class personally…well not yet! And here she is at 19 years of age doing just that. And she liked it very very much... from the lounge where she sat in luxury sipping champagne, to the complimentary back massage and pedicure; to the 747 where she had a seat that turned into a bed, a personal sound and vision system that was like being in her own cinema and service from the a la carte menu - Not to mention the champagne and hors d’oeuvres on arrival!

So thankfully, the story does have a happy ending…and what can we learn from Catriona’s experience?

• Always buy a return ticket that falls within your visa deadline – she had purchased a one way ticket
• Do not depend on your knowledge and interpretation of immigration laws – get it in writing – ignorance is not a defence
• Learn to act in a polite and positive fashion, be transparent with your answers to officials and at the same time transmit your belief that the situation can have a happy resolution

All’s well that end well… and as I close today’s blog entry, Catriona is calling Australian immigration here in UK to ensure a seamless entry back in to the country in seven weeks time…

What You See Is What You Get!

Dr Gill Appleton and I were talking yesterday. She was telling me about her grandson, James. She is very proud that he has been placed 5^th overall in the National Go-Carting Championships. “Of course,” said Gill, “this isn’t surprising. For quite some time now he has had a caricature of himself on his bedroom wall - in a go-cart and wearing a number 5 on his suit. We’ll need to get him a winning picture to encourage him even more or a positive picture for him to focus on…”

It is vital that we focus very clearly and very specifically on what we want; because visual imprinting and programming works without us even being aware of it. Just think about the the powerful advertising campaigns that have influenced you in the past.

For many years we tried to encourage our son, Kyle to stop smoking. We adopted all the tried and test methods popular with parents – bribery, inducement, physical threats and restriction of privileges! All to no avail…as Kyle was happy to see himself as a smoker.

Kyle then accepted work in Gibraltar and left home…and as he did so he stopped smoking! We set about totally refurbishing his old bedroom, I had declared that a government health warning ought to be posted on his room as it was a disgrace. Little or no cleaning had been carried out there in the previous months and years. As we stripped it out I peeled a tobacco tinged poster from the back of the door and in a flash I thought…gosh no wonder he never stopped smoking in here... every morning he would see these words... "Don't Quit!" in big black bold print (the title of the poem!)

Science hasn't fully explained how or why visualization works. But the fact that it does is enough for most major air forces in the world to invest hundreds of millions of pounds in flight simulators. Frankly, if you're aiming to achieve a major goal, who cares if you know how or why visualisation works - just that it does! So if you are aiming for a big goal then remember the amazing power of visualisation. If you want a deluxe holiday you need to see specific photos of your holiday destination every day, so pin them up on your notice board. If you want a new car then get a precise picture on the fridge door; or carry a copy in your wallet. Remember to be very specific…if you want to own a brand new Mercedes ‘C’ Class then ensure that you display the correct make, model and colour of car so that you get exactly what you want! And put a purchase date on the picture too.

At the side of my computer there is a post card of Dubai. It is dated May 2005. It actually took me to the spring of 2007 to go there with UKTI. Does that matter to me? Not in the slightest as I am convinced that if I had not had a vision to explore options in Dubai in my mind in the first place, I would probably not have a business developing there at all.

Brian Tracy says that, "All improvement in your life begins with an improvement in your mental pictures. Your mental pictures act as a guidance mechanism that causes you to act in ways that make your mental pictures come true in your life."

Let’s go mental…cos what we see is what we get!

Never Break the Circle

Eileen is a teacher. We met at a recent speaking event. During the session it became clear that Eileen had some personal issues to deal with and at the coffee break we spoke.

She told me that her daughter is a heroin addict with severe addiction problems…so much so, that Eileen has become the official guardian of her two grandchildren.

What on earth do you say when people tell you of these personal tragedies? As a speaker, it happens to me on a pretty regular basis. I always find it humbling that people open up their hearts to me. In this case, I was stunned to silence not knowing how best to proceed… Eileen went on to describe herself as a survivor. She had taken support and sought counselling and found advice from a PADA worker invaluable. Let me share it with you now…the circle concept…

The family forms a circle; a circle that cannot and must not be broken. The family has to link arms, hold hands and stand together whatever happens and at all costs the circle must never be broken. Eileen realised that in the past, when she had gone off to search the streets and alleyways for her daughter she had in fact been breaking the circle and leaving it open and vulnerable. What she had to learn to do was to tell her daughter that she loved her and that she always would – unconditionally. But that she, Eileen had a responsibility to keep the circle intact. Her daughter knows that the circle is there for her too and at anytime she can re-join it and take strength and support from her loved ones. However, she also knows that the circle is precious and fragile and must always stay connected to survive.

What a powerful survival strategy this is – never underestimate the power of the circle. In the case of Eileen, it has been the support mechanism that has allowed her to be another survivor with spirit.

Good to great

To quote Jim Collins’ words, “People are not your most important asset – the right people are.” And proof of this fact was working with the staff from Horn’s Mill. What an excellent day it proved to be. It was a pleasure and privilege for me to work with such good people.

Anne Doughton had booked me to speak on the topic of stress awareness day at Mollington Banastre Hotel. The location and setting was perfect and this in itself created the right atmosphere and tone for the event.

Anne and her deputy Jonathan realised some time ago, the importance of getting the right people on the bus. They knew that when they got the right people on… and the wrong people off… then the bus would begin to drive itself…

And it must have been so reassuring for them to have confirmation of this knowledge today. Part of the programme was based on a simple profiling technique, which proved to be illuminating and a lot of fun…

You know, the most normal and ordinary thing is for us to see the world from our own perspective; the most extra-ordinary thing is to see life from the perspective of others….and that is what we explored today.

Every behaviour style has strengths and weaknesses. We identified strengths, worked on weaknesses, discovered some motivational secrets, raised the general feeling of self-confidence and awareness and developed a great team spirit. And we focused on going from being good to great…

To paraphrase Jim Collins, I am not suggesting that going from good to great is easy, or that every organisation will successfully make the shift. By definition, it is not possible for everyone to be above average. But I am suggesting that those who strive to turn good into great find the process no more painful or exhausting than those who settle for average.

As Collins say, “Yes, turning good into great takes energy, but the building of momentum adds more energy back into the pool than it takes out. Conversely, perpetuating mediocrity is an inherently depressing process and drains far more energy out of the pool than it puts back in.”

Mediocrity be damned! Let’s all aim to go from good to great!

Speaking from the Heart

When I give a motivational speech I aim to balance two agendas. The first is to deliver what my client wants - using authentic ideas, energy and enthusiasm. The second is to empower each and every audience member to believe that they can accomplish whatever it is I am talking about. In other words, to make them feel good about themselves.

Today I was in two super schools St Luke’s and Mossley CofE and the common theme of these inset days, was PMA - positive mental attitude. I love this work and entitle it my Cool Beans talk. Cool Beans means – amazing, fantastic and awesome and that is exactly what I encourage my audiences to be.

I want people to walk away from my motivational input feeling incredibly good about themselves. It's more important that they feel good about themselves, than that they feel good about others or me for that matter. Of course, if I can make people feel good about themselves, then they will probably like me, appreciate me, and remember me. But even if they don't, I will do what I believe in and to serve the highest good; to make them feel good about themselves.

Authenticity is simply being honest and real, and being willing to be seen. My stories are definitely original and as I share anecdotes and tales of my life experiences with my audiences my goal is for them to find comfort and develop a rapport with me.

I love the delegates and I am sure that they pick up on this powerful emotion. I encourage them to live up to their potential. So I weave stories and practical tips together with concepts and ideas with positive and empowering comments to let them know that I believe in them.

Empowerment is the secret key and it makes all the difference. And perhaps it is the empowerment piece of the equation that is hardest to quantify.

All I know is that in my case, it stems from my inner belief in the inherent goodness of people. I truly believe that people can achieve incredible things... and that they want to make a positive difference in the world. I let them know that over and over again. It comes across in my motivational speeches and my coaching. It infuses every comment, every challenge and every idea or concept that I deliver.

So my two precious schools that I have had the pleasure in working with today, I hope through the tears and emotional moments, that you realised it was done with faith, hope and most of all… love…

Beautiful on the Drive

Dave Ainscough greeted his wife, Debbie on the driveway with a cheery; “Hello beautiful!” and I overheard him and thought to myself…what a lucky lady and what a nice man!

So, a few minutes later, when I joined my husband, Jay to have supper on the patio I shared Dave’s comment with him. Of course I rather hoped a similar compliment would be forthcoming for me…not so. Jay was completely noncommittal and changed the subject! And was I a little miffed? Indeed I was…and thought yes Debbie you really are a lucky lady…and I probably wasn’t thinking such kind thoughts towards my own partner for a little while.

Then the incident was forgotten until the next day, when Jay and I were in the supermarket. I was waiting at the check-out and he had disappeared; as I thought to buy a newspaper…not so. When I approached the till, Jay walked up with the most beautiful purple toned orchid and announced to all the people round about, “And this is for beautiful on the drive!” Imagine my surprise and delight. No wonder I love that man!

So here we are on another Sunday, and it is no surprise to me that my thoughts are with my neighbours Dave and Debbie. They are such good people. They actually moved to the village, so that they could be more supportive of their church and the community.

Let’s take Dave’s good example…go now … say a few, genuine, kind words to someone … phone them if you have to… and love your neighbour too!

You know the amazing thing…when you do….it will come back to you ten times over! Happy Sundays!

Maria Memory Tips 1

Have you ever gone to the top of your stairs to fetch something and by the time you get there…you can’t remember what it is? Mmm sound familiar? I think for time to time we all do this. Perhaps it is because we all live such busy lives and our memory is on over-load… maybe it is a sign of aging, but I am not going to admit to that one! Maria is concerned that her memory is deteriorating and her issue has influenced the topic of the blog today.

If our brains were computers, we'd simply add a chip to upgrade our memory. Because the human brain is more complex than even the most advanced machine, upgrading human memory requires slightly more effort.

Memory can be short-term or long-term. In short-term memory, our mind stores information for a few seconds or a few minutes: the time it takes to dial a phone number you just looked up; or to compare the prices of several items in a shop.

Such memory is fragile, and it’s meant to be; our brains would soon read “disk full” if we retained every phone number we called, every item we ordered in a restaurant, and the subject of every ad we watched on TV. It’s also meant to hold an average of seven items, which is why we can usually remember a new phone number for a few minutes, but need our credit card when we’re buying something online.

We need to make an effort with long term memory because it’s personally meaningful to us (e.g. data about family and friends), or we need it (such as job procedures or course work for an exam), or it made an emotional impression (a movie that had us riveted, your first kiss).

How can we improve our memory?

Here are some Memory Tips for Maria:

Be motivated and keep a positive attitude

Simple yet so important...telling yourself you have a bad memory actually hampers the ability of your brain to remember, while positive mental feedback sets up an expectation of success. So note when you do remember something well and congratulate yourself.

Pay attention

So no multitasking when you need to concentrate. Take on board information in a quiet place where you won’t be interrupted.

Tailor information acquisition to your learning style

As a professional speaker, I am very aware of different learning styles, in order to make the greatest impact with as many of my audience as possible. Most people are visual learners; they learn best by reading or otherwise seeing what it is they have to know. Some are auditory learners who learn better by listening. They might benefit by recording information they need and listening to it until they remember it. Others are kinaesthetic learners and activities assist them to learn. Involve as many senses as possible.

Even if you’re a visual learner, read out loud what you want to remember; if you can recite it rhythmically, even better. Relate information to colours, textures, smells and tastes. The physical act of rewriting information can help imprint it onto your brain.

Relate new information to what you already know

Connect new data to information you already remember, whether it’s new material that builds on previous knowledge or an address of someone who lives on a street where you already know someone.

Organise information

Write things down in address books and datebooks and on calendars; take notes on more complex material and reorganize the notes into categories later. Use both words and pictures in learning information.

Understand and be able to interpret complex material

Focus on understanding basic ideas rather than memorizing isolated details. Be able to explain it to someone else in your own words.
Rehearse information frequently and overlearn

Review what you’ve learned the same day you learn it, and review it at intervals thereafter. I call this spaced repetition and it is more effective than cramming. If you’re able to overlearn information so that recalling it becomes second nature, so much the better.

There are many other tips such as mnemonics and acronyms, information chunking and the use of humour and stories…these will follow in another entry…

My last practical tip:

Consider taking Siberian ginseng with ginkgo biloba…I do. There are several hundred scientific studies showing the diverse benefits of these natural herbs and improved memory is one of them….the first challenge is to remember to take the supplement three times a day!

More anon Maria