Teenage Trials

A common topic of conversation in the studio at the moment is how to deal with nasty people and in the extreme – how to handle bullying. Perhaps this is because the schools have started their new terms. Many youngsters are making the transition from primary to secondary education and for some that can be a very difficult time and my clients, the mothers , are looking for support and advice.

Moving from primary to secondary school means you that you go from a being big fish in a small pond to a small fish in a big sea with the potential for shark attacks!

Here is a little advice from me - an ex-teacher:

1. Everybody else in your year is in the same boat. They may not look it, but they're just as nervous as you are.
2. Moving to secondary school is an opportunity, a challenge… not a problem!
3. Things are different and all you need to do is be polite, learn the new rules, learn the new ways of doing things and ask people if you are not sure what to do.
4. Older brothers and sister are useful for advice. If you haven't got any, why not ask the older brothers and sisters of friends?
5. Your form tutor is available to help you. These members of staff are experienced in helping new students to settle in and they won't mind if you ask them questions.
6. Some secondary schools send teachers to visit primary schools. If such a teacher visits your school, ask them anything you want. It’s useful to be 'in the know' before you get there!
7. Some secondary schools have a 'buddy system' or a 'friends system.' If your school has this, then you will be paired with an older student. They will look out for you and help you if you have any problems or questions.

If you are bullied or feel threatened then you need to talk about it! And of course bullying has so many guises. Catriona experienced some really nasty situations in her all-girl secondary school. Cat was a hard working and polite student. Her work was handed in on time. She could see the benefits of a good education. She is also slim, pretty and boys enjoyed her company. She comes from a caring family and she is ambitious to do well in life. This is a profile that attracts petty jealousy and bitchiness and in extreme cases - bullying.

Maybe the horrid situation that the youngsters face today – from vile insulting comments to vicious texts and emails – is actually preparing them for that fact that in life we do meet some very nasty characters. Much as we want to protect and shield our young people, perhaps we should acknowledge that they are in fact learning some life skills that will equip them well for work and real life.

The best tip I can offer is to walk away and not get drawn in to arguments. Find a new group of friends. Change routines so that the ‘nasties’ are not eating and having break periods at the same time and place as you. Avoid confrontation and concentrate on your studies, of course confide on staff and other responsible people, but also acknowledge that things will change when you make some changes too. Use the phrase, “I am not going to allow you to upset me today!” As you practise thinking this way, you will find yourself coming up with fresh solutions. Inwardly smile as you gain self control.

In Catriona’s own words, “Unfortunately bullying has become a part of everybody’s school life lately. I went through it, a lot of my friends went through it, but when I look at the situation now, we are the ones who have come out champions! We are the ones with successful jobs, plenty of genuine friends and happy lives. Those who bullied us and caused us grief are far from being or having any of these things. I like to think it is Karma. I am a firm believer of treating people the way you want to be treated. So, those who choose to make others lives a misery will in turn ‘have a dose of their own medicine.’

For those of you experiencing bullying, tell someone! Whatever you do, do not bottle it up inside. It does wonders to talk to people. I know many schools have a Bullying Policy; make sure you read it. Move away from those nasty people; don’t associate with them because they will only bring you down. Think of how many students attend your school, there will be plenty of nice, true people waiting to be your friend; the best are literally hard to find, you have to go looking!

Don’t ever feel scared, be proud of who you are. Even though my bullying experience was a hard time for me, I never doubted myself or tried to be anyone else. I don’t like the people, who made my high school years difficult, but as I mentioned, I am a better individual, as it has taught me so much. I am a firm, well-grounded person and I am totally confident in dealing with difficult people, and I have the bullies to thank for that! See, there really is a silver lining to every dark cloud!

Finally, although you may not see this at the time, things will get better. Stay focused on your studies, keep yourself busy with extra-curricular activities, surround yourself with great friends and most importantly, be the best at whatever you do and you will surely be a winner!”