Top-Up Tip

It is easy to make light of surveys. But in a marvellous example from the Department of the Blindingly Obvious at Liverpool John Moores University, Professor John Ashton revealed on BBC radio this week that "Rock and pop stars are twice as likely to suffer a premature death as the rest of us". Over a thousand people who achieved fame in the 70s and 80s were "investigated", and a number of them were found to be…wait for it… yes… dead. Professor Ashton said "It may be that their drug-taking and drinking excesses, along with their risky lifestyle, play a part in this". Well in the words of another famous Liverpudlian, Cilla Black, “Surprise, Surprise!”

However, we must not always dismiss the obvious, as sometimes its very simplicity and clarity holds a secret key to success….For example, let me share Kyle’s ‘Top-Up Tip’ and explain his basic philosophy to you …

I know that Kyle has yet to take time to read Stephen Covey’s book ‘The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People’. This excellent personal development book has detailed success strategies. Yet Kyle has come up with his own simplified version of Covey’s interdependent relationship chapter. Both Kyle and Covey understand importance of emotional bank accounts.

Kyle lives in Dublin and his fiancée, Sarah in Frankfurt. They often spend weeks apart. Their friendship and love for each other is on a solid foundation thanks to what they call their ‘Top Up’ sessions. They have a commitment to stay in touch with each other every day. They use all communication media – texts, letters, email and occasional bunches of flowers via Interflora. Sometimes they only have a brief window to speak and other times they can talk and talk for hours (thank goodness for Skype and MSN!) They know that it is vital that they keep their emotional accounts full and in credit to allow for days, when they may have to make a serious withdrawal.

I believe this is an excellent relationship tool, when dealing with children too. Kyle and I had such fun when he was growing up. We shared many magical moments. So much so, that I reckon in emotional terms we were millionaires by the time he was ten years old. And this was what kept us together when testosterone hit and Kyle needed to grow up and make his own decisions. As a mother, I found this a very challenging time. We may not be the happy family unit we are today, had it not been for the emotional investment we had made in the early years.

Perhaps our children have modelled themselves on their parents. Their dad at times works overseas and in fact only returned to take on another contract in the Middle East last month. So Jay and I have similar challenges due to the distance, separation and risk factors. We use ‘Top Ups’ too although until today I had not referred to our communication methods in this way.

We are all different and not everyone would or could live their lives as we do. Although one of the benefits as we see it; is that this kind of lifestyle keeps us on permanent honeymoon status and we really do understand the meaning of sharing quality time.

The fact is, the dealer of the deck of cards called ‘life’ is extremely impartial and sometimes it appears that he deals from the bottom. We all have to learn to work with the hand we are dealt and one coping strategy that is worth considering is Kyle’s Top-Up Tip.